Fifty Shades of Shade - "The Fifty Shades of Grey Parady" Read Free Page B

champagne.
                  “Ramiro, come in.” I give him a completely nonsexual hug.
                  Ramiro was the first person I met at WSU. He’s studying engineering. His passion, though, is photographing. Pictures.
                  We were kindred spirits. Lost and alone on the first day of school. We were both curled up in the “Lost & Alone” section of the orientation room.
                  “Guess what? ” he says to me.
                  “Who?”
                  “No, what? ”
                  “What?”
                  “The Portland Picturegraph Gallery is displaying my work in an exhibit.”
                  “That’s amazing!” We hug again. Non - sexually.
                  “Let’s celebrate. You’re invited—both of you,” he gestures to Melissa.
                  Melissa has asked me about Ramiro, why we haven’t gone anywhere. Ramiro is more like a little brother I never had, but that I’m currently having.
                  And I’m sure Ramiro harbors no suppressed romantic feelings for me. Straight guys that are friends with a girl almost never want to become anything more than that. I look at Ramiro. He’s all muscle, perfect body, one of the hottest guys I’ve ever met…but he still doesn’t do it for me.
                  Sometimes I think my expectations are too high. So what if I want better than perfect from a guy. Just call me a romantic. Nobody’s met my expectations.
                  What’s that? My subconscious is speaking to me again. Until now! What, with Shade? No. Never. My subconscious just won’t let the thought of him go. It’s being kind of a dick. Are you gay, Mr. Shade? I cringe remembering. Chastity , he said. That’s my name. It echoed in my mind.
                  Ah, but it was probably nothing.
     
                  Crapburgers! Saturdays at Ricklin’s are busy as crap. Do-it-themselvers wanting to do things themselves. Mr. and Mrs. Ricklin, me, and the two part-timers, Billy and William, are being eaten alive by customers.
                  During a break, Mrs. Ricklin asks me to check on some rusty nails left lying around loose on one of the shelves under the register. As I was feeling through them with my bare hands I look up.
                  Double crapburgers! It was him. Of all people, it was him. Mr. Shade, in the flesh. Standing before me at Ricklin’s hardware store.
                  Heart failure .
                  “Mr. Shade,” I mouth, without any sound actually coming out.
                  He looked at me with that smile that’s not really there. Like he’s making fun of everyone in his mind. Which isn’t very nice, but he’s hot, so it’s fine.
                  “I was in the area,” he says, by way of explanation (also known as ‘explaining’). “I need to stock up on a few random items of little interest. It’s a pleasure to see you again, Miss Stool .”
                  I shake my head furiously, like a Looney Tunes character that just got hit on the head with a comically oversized mallet. What is it about this man that charges my blood and speeds up every organ in my body, even the messy ones? The very sight of him standing in front of me is enough to make me explode with various sticky love oils. He’s not just hot and beautiful, he’s sexy and gorgeous. He’s the epitome of male beauty. Even more than William H. Macy. And he’s here, in Ricklin’s. Right now. I finally gather up my basic life functions and speak words out the front of my head.
                  “ Chastity . My name is Chastity ,” I mutter (or murmur, whatever). “How can I help you, Mr. Shade? ”
                  He smiles. His teeth sparkle. And the sparkle itself