came in contact with, how sex shaped everything they did and thought about, whether it was politics or art or just having to work for a living. I was not sure how I felt about any of that; the thought of sticking my thing in a girl unnerved me as much as it excited meâguess I thought it seemed vaguely unsanitary even if it doubled the charge I had already learned to enjoy by other less complicated means. But I wished that I had done that anyway, simply so I would know what the rest of the world was up to. I felt neglected that Pop had never gotten around to completing that part of my education, and I resented it. It was typical somehow of the way he thought about me, as opposed to Manny. He was a busy man, I know that, he didnât have the time, but somehow he found time for Manny, and it never occurred to him to find it for me.
I always liked to hear Manny talk about what happened the summer night nearly a decade before, his first time with that girl in the whorehouse in Harlem, and Iâd get a hard-on myself just thinking about it, never mind listening to him telling me about it, how he and Pop sat around in this parlor talking with the girls who came in to talk with the customers. They werenât naked but they were the next best thing. They wore these skimpy clothes you could pretty much see through, or imagined you could, which was just as good.
It was a warm night and a breeze came in the window and lifted the curtains as it lifted the girlsâ dresses, so you could see almost everything, and Pop told Manny to pick out one that he liked, and he did, and the girl took him off to another room, with a big bed and freshly ironed sheets and a lamp with a rose shade on the table beside it and she took off her dress, her covering, whatever it was, and began undressing Manny, took off his shirt, socks, and pants, and ran her hand over his chest and touched the bulge in his BVDâs, and then slipped her hand inside and held him, then stripped his underwear off as well. âAnd then what did you do?â I remember saying. âThe semaphore was saying âClear track ahead,ââ I remember his answering. âThe semaphore just shot right up and told me what to do after that.â
âWhat was her name?â I wanted to know.
âI donât know. Why would that matter?â
âI donât know. I guess Iâd want to know who she was.â
âI think maybe she said it was Clytemnestra, her name. She said she came from the south and people had names like that.â
That must have been it then.
âWas she black?â I wanted to know. Really black? Was her hair kinky and what did it feel like when you touched it? Not just her head, down there, what did it feel like, but I didnât ask any of those things. I asked, âWhat was Pop doing while you were with this girl?â
âHow would I know,â Manny said. âWhen I came back to the parlor he wasnât around. Later on he and the woman who ran the place came downstairs and had a glass of wine together. I had one too.â
âHad he been with her?â
âHow would I know? But what would you have done?â
I wasnât sure.
I used to tell myself that Pop was different from other fathers. He didnât just have a job. He was someone other people depended on for their lives, their happiness, their future.
We had moved uptown, to the Bronx, around the time I was born and settled into a big sprawling house on a broad tree-lined street with elm trees that met overhead, keeping shade all summer. Our house was a fairly new one; it had a steep slate roof and lots of towers and turrets; inside there was dark wood gleaming everywhere, staircases, banisters, and paneling, with room for us all to live and Pop to maintain his practice.
The Bronx was a grand and beautiful place in those days, with fields spreading out behind the houses, and in many ways it was far more attractive than