Fat Vampire Read Free Page B

hope that he’d eventually get lucky. He’d be at his local comic shop or maybe (why not?) even at this very convention. He and some beautiful girl wouldreach for the same back issue of Young X-Men at the same time. They’d have a laugh about it. They’d get to talking and discover they shared a great love of anime and customized action figures. Then they’d have sex on the fucking Batmobile or something.
    â€œNo cutting!” shouted Doctor Doom, or someone dressed just like him.
    â€œThat’s a really good Doctor Doom costume,” said Jay. “Look at those rivets.”
    â€œMovie or comics version?” asked Doug.
    â€œComics.”
    â€œHold on,” said a large bald man whose costume was a simple black T-shirt that said his job (or name or personal motto) was Security. “Are you an exhibitor?”
    â€œNo—”
    â€œDo you have an exhibitor’s badge?”
    They didn’t.
    â€œBack of the line, then.”
    â€œMy friend can’t stand out in the sun like that,” said Jay. “He has really sensitive skin. See?”
    Jay lifted the hood of Doug’s poncho just slightly.
    â€œChrist,” whispered the man. He lifted a walkie-talkie to his mouth. “This is Craig at D stop. I got a situation.”
    The walkie-talkie squawked something only Craig could understand. He said, “Copy” and returned it to its holster, all the while staring fixedly at Jay.
    â€œIt’ll just be a minute.”
    â€œOkay,” said Jay. “Thanks.”
    Craig nodded. “So…he likes comics?”
    â€œYeah.”
    â€œHe speaks English, too,” said Doug.
    Craig was joined by another big man in identical clothing, apart from a black baseball cap that said HEAD . Doug thought it seemed awfully literal.
    The man said, “I’m head of security, boys.”
    Oh.
    â€œWhat’s the problem?”
    â€œThese two want in early,” said Craig, “on account of this kid can’t be out in the sun.”
    â€œOh, yeah,” said the head of security, looking under Doug’s poncho. “He’s got some kind of skin thing, right? They can wait in the lobby.”
    â€œYou’re not surprised?” said Craig.
    â€œSurprised? Hell, no. This is the big comic book weekend. If the freakin’ boy in the bubble rolled up here, I wouldn’t be surprised. Hey, watch this.”
    He called out to the queue. “Anyone lose an inhaler?”
    About one in ten checked his pockets.
    â€œSee?” said Head, loud enough for anyone to hear. “Look at that lineup. It’s like all the kids picked last for every kickball game in America.”
    â€œHey, screw you!” shouted a boy in a Gorillaz T-shirt. “I’m on my high school swim team!”
    â€œOoh.” Head laughed. “Swim team.”
    â€œWe went to state last year! What’d you ever do, fat ass?!”
    â€œHey!” said Head. “Watch your mouth or I’ll watch it for ya!”
    â€œHe wants to watch your mouth,” said another boy.
    â€œYeah,” said a third attendee, one in his twenties, “because that is all he does, right? That’s his job. Watching things. Whereas this line is full of geniuses and software engineers.”
    â€œMaybe I’ll hire you to watch my mansion someday, dick-pipe!” someone shouted.
    â€œThat’s it! Back of the line!” said Head.
    â€œMaybe I’ll hire you to clean my pool!” said someone else.
    â€œBack of the line! All of you!”
    â€œCan we go in?” Jay asked Craig.
    â€œKnock yourselves out,” said Craig.
    Â 
    In minutes they were in a zigzagging line of low curtains, and they slalomed through it, alone; right, left, right, toward a row of tables manned by seated, serious women. Each woman looked like she was someone’s least-favorite aunt. Each woman had something to bestow on Doug and Jay, and the two