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doctor who treated me, and I fell in love with him because he looked after me. But Grant would have looked after me, wouldn’t he? Time I pulled myself together and asked some questions.
    “Um, William?”
    “Yes?”
    “Have I ever had any sort of accident, perhaps a head injury of some kind?” I asked feebly.
    “No,” he replied, confusion and concern meshed together on his face. “Why, do you feel sick or something? Are you having a bad headache, is that it?”
    “No, my head’s fine, I just …” Geez, I felt like Drew Barrymore’s character in Fifty First Dates and William was Adam Sandler, humouring me in my unfortunate condition so I didn’t lose the plot. Hmm, a bit too late for that … but anyway. “I just feel like time has caught up with me, that’s all. Life seems to have gone by so fast.” If I played along and kept it together, maybe this terrible morning would somehow go away and I’d be transported back to my normal life.
    I needed a shower. I’d close my eyes and focus on the water and my fifty-year-old self would wash away and when I opened my eyes I’d be twenty five again. Worth a shot.
    Except the shower had no faucets and I didn’t have any idea how to turn the bloody thing on. “I think I’ll feel better after a shower. William, er … honey, can you take a look at the shower thingy? I think it needs fixing.”
    This seemed to please William, as he rolled up his sleeves and walked over to the contraption on the wall. “Let’s have a look.” He pressed a few buttons and waved his hand under the diamond-shaped showerhead, and the second time he did so, water streamed from the tiny holes. “Works fine,” he said.
    “Could you try turning it off for me too, just to test it?”
    He pressed a button on the top side of the contraption and the water flow came to an abrupt halt. “That works fine too.” He smiled and turned towards the door. “See you in the kitchen for breakfast.”
    “Wait!” I lunged at him. “Could you turn it on again, you know, to save you having to come back in, just in case it plays up again?”
    “Anything for the birthday girl.” William repeated his earlier process and this time I watched him like a hawk. He pressed one button on each of the three rows and a red button in the middle, then waved his hand twice under the shower head.
    Got it. I think. Well, hopefully I’d be out of here soon and wouldn’t have to use this thing again.
    When William closed the bathroom door behind him, I took my rather confused nightgown off again and stepped under the stream of water. The pressure and warmth soothed my skin and for a while I felt like my old self. I mean my young self. I imagined being in my own shower in my own apartment, looking forward to my twenty-fifth birthday party at the hippest restaurant in the city, followed by a beautiful speech from Grant and culminating in his proposal by which I’d look completely surprised, and accept the DSJ engagement ring with a resounding yes !
    Pleased with my visualisation attempt, I opened my eyes and prepared to say a silent thank you to the universe upon seeing my familiar bathroom and youthful face in the mirror. Instead, I said a few not-so-silent profanities upon seeing the same unfamiliar bathroom that was fast becoming my least favourite place in the world.
    I thumped my fist on the button on top of the shower contraption, stopping the water flow and stepped out of the shower. Clamping my lips tightly together to stop from screaming, I crept towards the mirror, knowing all too well what would greet me.
    The same crow’s feet I’d seen before that framed my eyes like a broken fence around a dilapidated old house. Damn!
    The same laughter lines formed an arc around my mouth, looking more like remnants of inconsolable sobbing. Bugger!
    Lip wrinkles, a saggy neck and forehead furrows that have turned my face into a landscape rivalling The Andes mountain ranges. Crap!
    And of course, the piece de