Fart Squad Read Free Page A

“I always said he was full of hot air, but this is taking it too far!”
    Juan-Carlos would have been the school’s number-one class clown . . . if only his jokes were funny. He was usually trying to get a laugh, but right now he seemed to have something else gurgling inside him. He made a face and scurried across the room. A moment later, an explosively loud and smelly fart went off right where he had been standing only seconds before.
    Darren was impressed and disgusted at the same time. “How did you do that?”
    â€œI don’t know,” Juan-Carlos said. “It’s just been happening since lunch.”
    The nurse’s office smelled like Fart Central Station. Darren figured this epidemic of flatulence couldn’t be a coincidence. He looked around at the other kids.
    â€œDid all of you eat the lunchroom burritos, too?”
    â€œI had to,” Tina said. “Somebody swiped my lunch.”
    â€œAnd mine as well,” Walter said.
    â€œMine, too,” said Juan-Carlos. “Or should that be ‘mine, three.’”
    â€œMake that four,” Darren said. “And I’m pretty sure it was the B.O. twins.” He explained that he and Andy had caught the twins lurking around the coat closet, right before his lunch disappeared. “I guess they grabbed yours, too . . . for some reason.”
    â€œEr, because they were hungry?” Tina suggested. “And too cheap to spring for their own lunches?”
    â€œBut four lunches?” Juan-Carlos asked. “That seems a bit extreme. One is usually enough for me.”
    â€œSpeak for yourself,” Walter said.
    â€œI don’t think this was just about the lunches,” Darren said, remembering what he’d witnessed in the hall a few minutes before. “I think they were up to something bigger, something involving Harry Buttz. They were snooping around the basement before. . . .”
    â€œBut what does that have to do with swiping our lunches?” Tina asked.
    Darren had no idea, but he had an uncomfortable feeling, and not just in his stomach.
    Nurse Rancid stirred and lifted her head. “Oh my,” she moaned. “What happened?”
    Darren still needed a note for Miss Priscilly. He hurried toward the nurse with the notepad, but before he could even hand her the pen, a silent blast of not-so-fresh air knocked her out again. Her head drooped forward onto her chest.
    Darren scowled at Tina.

    Tina shrugged. “Sorry. It just slipped out.”
    â€œPardon me, but that’s simply not normal,” Walter said.
    â€œThat’s for sure,” Juan-Carlos agreed.
    Just then, Janitor Stan poked his head into the office and saw the nurse slumped on the floor. “Er, what’s the matter with her?”
    Darren wasn’t quite ready to spill the beans, as it were.
    â€œBeats me,” he said. “Maybe she’s been working too hard?”
    The other kids did not contradict him. Who wanted to be known for having farts nasty enough to flatten the school nurse?
    â€œI see,” Stan said, sounding unconvinced. He looked the kids over and sniffed the air. “Why don’t you kids come back another time? I think she just needs a break and a little fresh air. Or, to be more exact, fresher air.”
    Darren hesitated. “Er, I still need a note—or Miss Priscilly won’t let me back into class.”
    Stan took the pad and scribbled a note, forging Nurse Rancid’s name. He winked at Darren. “Nobody can read her handwriting anyway. Now scoot!”
    Darren headed toward the door. He had his note, but he had plenty of questions, too. Something was in the air all right. He just wished he knew what it was.
    What was in those burritos anyway?

CHAPTER THREE
    I t was recess, and the playground on the roof of the school was filled with kids enjoying the fresh air. Ordinarily Darren would be in the thick of things, trying to burn off all his excess