Family Ties (Hidden Secrets) Read Free Page B

hated everything.  The only time I found peace was when I came home. This trip was a much needed break. I have enjoyed every minute of it.
    My first stop was my parents, who as always, were tickled to see me.  We had a nice quiet dinner together while I discussed my tour and the new video I will be shooting.  They have always enjoyed my singing and had encouraged me young to harness it.  When I ’m singing there is nothing else around me that exists. It turns into my escape, but lately the fun and relaxation of that has been taken from me.  That saddened me to my core.  I felt like something was being taken from my very soul.
    “ What are you going to do after singing?  What would you like to do?”
    “ Mom you ask me this every time I visit.”
    “ And you’ve yet to tell me what it is you want to do.  You won’t be able to perform and tour and all that like you’re doing now.  Especially if you want a family someday, you will need something that you can be home with your children.”
    I thought about it for a minute and there was really only one other thing that I wanted just as much as singing and had already started looking into it.  Could I dare speak about it? Or will they think it ’s a stupid idea?
    “ Well, there is one thing that I have wanted to do for a while and have actually been looking into it.  I’ve been fascinated by it since I was little,” I whispered.
    “ What dear?”
    “ I would love to run my own ranch,” I said nervously.
    “ You always did love that stuff.  Never one to shy away from the work.  That is a great idea.  Do you have a plan set forth? A…”
    “ Hold on dad. It’s just a thought right now. I have been thinking about it a bit more seriously lately.  Don’t get me wrong, I love singing and writing songs, but I don’t know… Something is just missing and my heart is telling me my own ranch would be what would fill the void.  I mean I can still write and perform just not as hardcore as I’m doing now.  You know?” I blurted out without taking a breath.
    My mom smiled at me. “You sound like you have put a lot of thought into it.  Have you considered temping at a ranch to learn the ropes and make sure it is what you want before putting all the money and time into one of your own to find out you don’t like it?”
    “ That’s actually a good idea.  I’ll have to see what I can do on my next break.  Thank you for not thinking it is a stupid idea.”
    “ No, baby.  As long as you follow your heart and are happy then we are happy for you.  You know that.”
    I nodded my head.  We finished our supper and I went to bed with a lighter heart for the first time in years.  Maybe, just maybe, I might find happiness after all.
    The next day I had spent over at Colleen and Carson’s obsessing over her belly.  My first niece or nephew, it was amazing.  It had me thinking about how much I wanted a family someday.  A husband that I adored and adored me in return, a place of our own… days filled with love and children’s laughter and nights filled with romance and passion. Yeah, that was what I wanted.
    “ So you guys ever going to tell us what you’re having?”
    Carson smiled at Colleen, it was a smile that made me jealous of them.  I wanted that man that would see only me in the room as if nothing else existed.  A man that couldn’t help but touch me, kiss me, or hold me.  As Carson ran his hand over Colleen’s stomach, I felt the pain in my chest.  I wasn’t going to have that.  The thought made me frown and look down at my lap.
    “ Hey.” I looked up shocked to find Carson in front of me holding my hands. “What’s wrong?”
    I just shook my head, but he wouldn’t take that as an answer.  Carson and I always talked, but I just didn’t want to be pitied.  I hated being pitied. It was like sticking a knife in my heart and turning it.  God, but did I ever want a family.  Many would say that at age of twenty-four, I should be