Fain the Sorcerer Read Free Page A

by the opposite door, dragging the Princess after him. Fain, with the outer layers of the cabbage shoved over his head, hunched over and shouted something like ‘ Master — the hellhounds have escaped, the apes are rebelling, a dragon has decided to bite your face, a tornado is coming, flowers everywhere have unclenched like fists, there ’ s a fire in the kitchen and everywhere else, and the King has discovered the location of your lair and sent armies against you. ’
    ‘ Well, I haven ’ t got any apes, ’ said the warlock, ‘ but anyway I suppose I ’ ll have to postpone my demand for marriage, m ’ dear. ’
    ‘ I ’ m flattered, ’ said Fain, but the warlock was too busy to become enraged. He was giving the order to send out the fleet and guardgoyles were scampering in all directions. Fain grabbed the Princess and soon they were rushing aboard a warship and casting off. ‘ Gold coins for everyone in return for not killing me! ’ he cried, pulling cash from his pockets and ordering the crew to head toward Envashes. Soon they had left behind Thorn ’ s island and his departing fleet.
    At sunset, Fain met the Princess on deck. ‘ I seem fated to be hauled back and forth like cargo, ’ she snapped.
    ‘ My apologies, madam, ’ he told her. ‘ If I had planned ahead, this journey would not have been necessary. What is your name? ’
    ‘ Aleksa. ’
    ‘ How did Thorn bring you here? ’
    ‘ He flew. ’
    ‘ Flight, of course! And here I am wishing merely to keep my trousers on! ’
    ‘ I beg your pardon? ’
    Fain felt he had squandered his wishes — and now he had to travel by normal means, at a normal rate, for a whole month before he would get another chance to add to his gifts.
    And all the while the ship was heading in the wrong direction.
     
     

CHAPTER 4
    In which Fain provokes the crew
     
    In the middle of the Purge Sea it became clear that the crew hated Fain. He had dressed himself in a silk shirt and some baggy Turkish pantaloons, though he kept his coat on for warmth and for the production of the crew ’ s wages. He had to haul hundreds of gold pieces from his pockets every morning to keep the monstrous sailors sweet, but the sheer accumulated weight of this bounty soon had the ship riding low in the water. ‘ Women are bad luck, ’ said the crew, looking at the Princess, ‘ as are men who dress like women, ’ they added, looking at Fain. They sneered that Fain ’ s magic was weak compared to that of the mighty Thorn, and complained that they had nothing to eat but fish. Fain warned them to stand back and, announcing that he would give them abundant food by sorcery, conjured hundreds of sardines from thin air. Roaring with indignation, the crew threw him overboard.
    Though Fain could swim, he realised that he was sinking like a stone, weighed down by the gold in his pockets. He jettisoned handful after handful of gold but the pockets continually re-filled as he descended through the dark brine. ‘ Though it ’ s extremely useful in a thousand other situations, ’ he reminded himself pragmatically as he fell into unconsciousness.
    CH
     
     

CHAPTER 5
    In which Fain meets a mermaid
     
    Fain awoke in the upturned hulk of a galleon. He had been laid out on a table which floated near to a ceiling which had once been the floor. Boggle-eyed fish peered in through the cloudy windows and only seemed to find his shouting and arm-waving all the more fascinating. There was also a lot of sifting scum which didn ’ t seem to have any firm idea where it wanted to go. Fain slumped back, feeling useless.
    Becoming sleepy and glimpsing black underwater souls, Fain was awoken by a mermaid with scales of green silver, a mother-of-pearl face and golden-ochre eyes. For a day the mermaid sustained the air in the wreck by hauling down the inverted shell of a giant mollusc and upending it inside the cabin. The following morning she took Fain to the beach of a small island.
    For weeks Fain lived