Facing the Music And Living To Talk About It Read Free Page A

dealt the greatest cards when it came to our home environment. Maybe you weren’t either. I know we all have baggage we carry around with us. For a long time, I let what happened in my past spoil my vision of the future. I didn’t think I deserved success or love or happiness. In some ways, I was hanging on to a victim mentality, playing the blame game, feeling sorry for myself. You know how that worked out for me—not well.
    But once I dumped that kind of thinking and decided that I wanted and deserved something better, I went after it. I stopped waiting for things to change and I actively made changes of my own. Although I’ve made a lot of progress, I’m still working on myself. I’m not entirely where I want to be yet, but every day that I take a step in the right direction is a good day. I know there are great things to come.
    What we all have to bear in mind is that you and I were not put on this earth to suffer and struggle. We are all here to make a contribution. We may have some work to do, but just acknowledging that we aren’t the individuals we want to be yet is a major leap toward making things better. The key is to stay focused and committed to moving forward every day.
    That’s not to say you won’t take a few backwards steps now and then. It happens. Believe me, I know. Just understand that you have the power to choose a better life for yourself. Once you make that choice, there are many people willing to help you and many ways you can help yourself, too.
    I’ve worked hard to find healthier ways to think and to live. I’ve learned a great deal about how to deal with my demons. Professional therapists have helped me understand what has made me insecure and self-destructive at times. Yet, I’m still prone to messing up. Perfection is a great goal, but I’m not there yet. I’m often guilty of not following the advice of others, including my therapist, fellow Backstreet Boys, and friends who’ve reached out.
    I still struggle with my issues, including insecurities and a lack of trust. Many of my challenges are related to the way I grew up. That’s not an excuse. Lots of people have grown up in dysfunctional families. Some have survived serious abuse. Many have lost their parents or other loved ones. The point is that there is no such thing as the perfect life. Most people have had bad things happen in their lives, yet they’ve managed to deal with them by recognizing it’s not what happens to you that shapes your life; it’s how you respond to it. And it’s not where you come from either; it’s where you end up that counts. The example of these people should give us all hope.
    PERCEPTION VERSUS REALITY
    Before you can heal, however, you have to understand where the hurt comes from. In the case of us Carters, it comes from a very particular kind of family dysfunction. Members of our family have a tendency to do and say things without thinking first.
    I’m as guilty of this as anyone. I’ve blown up in anger or frustration and later realized I never should have let those words out of my mouth because words do hurt. I’ve had to work on thinking before I act. It’s all about being aware of the thoughts and feelings that affect you, then taking just a split second to consider why they are there and how to respond to them wisely. If you don’t pause and take stock of those feelings, whatever you do next will only come back to bite you in the ass.
    For most of my life, I didn’t evaluate my thoughts or emotions. I just reacted by lashing out. Then I learned about the concept of filters.
    Each of us has unique ways of looking at the world based on our experiences, both good and bad. If you grew up in a loving and supportive home where you were encouraged to develop your mind and your talents, the way you look at things is likely to be much different than the way someone who has been abused or neglected looks at things. Past hurts, rejections, and failures can wear you down. They can make you