Every Tongue Got to Confess Read Free Page B

uh rock.”
    Peter wuzn’t goin’ tuh get left dis time, so he tore down half a mountain. He couldn’t tote it, so he moved it along wid a pinch bar, but he wagged all day wid it till way after while Christ rested under uh tree. Then Christ said, “All right, now, everybody bring up yo’ rocks.” They did, and here come Peter wid his half a mountain. He turned round an’ looked at all de rocks de disciples had done brought, an’ He smiled when He saw de big, fine rock Peter had done toted, an’ He said: “Peter, on dis rock I’m gointer build my church…”
    Peter said, “Naw you ain’t, neither! I be damned if you is. You gointer turn dis rock intuh bread.”
    Christ did it, too. Den He took de leben other rocks an’ stuck ’em together an’ built His church on it, an’ that’s how come churches split up so much t’day (built on a pieced-up rock).
    —C LIFFERT U LMER.
     
    People wuz on earth uh long time, den God says He reckon He better give ’em something tuh do tuh keep ’em outa mischief. So He put two boxes down ’bout uh mile up de road and tole ’em, says they could race for de prizes. De niggerout run de white man, but he wuz so tired dat he run fell up ’ginst de big box an’ says: “Ah got it! Ah got de biggest one! Dis’n’s mine! Ah got here first.”
    De white man says, “All right, I’ll take yo’ leavin’s.” He went and picked up de little box. He opened it an’ it had uh pen an’ ink an’ some writin’ paper. De nigger opened his an’ it had uh ax an’ grubbin’-hoe an’ plow an’ sich ez dat. De nigger been workin’ hard ever since an’ de white man been settin’ down bossin’ ’im.
    —L ARKINS W HITE .
Why Negroes Have Nothing †
    After God thew makin’ de world an’ rested Hisself uh little He called all de different nations uh people (races) up tuh Him an’ ast ’em all whut dey wanted. De white man said he wanted tuh be pretty an’ tuh boss everything; de Jew said he wanted all de money an’ wealth; de Indian said he wanted tuh know all about rovin’ de woods an’ huntin’ an’ sich. De nigger didn’t even come up tuh ast fuh nothin’. He wuz off somewhere restin’. Finally, God got tired uh waitin’ an’ sent one uh His angels tuh wake ’im up an’ tell ’im tuh come on up an’ git his, whutever he wanted.
    He went on up an’ God ast ’im, say, “Negro, whut do you want? Ah’m givin’ de nations whutever dey wants, but dis is yo’ las’ chance. Now you better look all roun’ an’ see whut you want me tuh give yuh.”
    De nigger never moved out his tracks. He said, “Ah don’t want nothin’,” and went on back tuh sleep.
    Thass how come we ain’t got nothin’.
    —L ARKINS W HITE .
Why Negroes are Black †
    The reason Negroes are black is because in the beginning God told everybody to be there at a certain time and get they color. Everybody went back at the right time but the Negroes. They went off somewhere and went to sleep. When they did get there they wuz so skeered they wouldn’t get waited on they started to pushing and shoving and acting crazy, and God pushed them back and said, “Get back!” They misunderstood and got black.
    —C HARLEY B RADLEY.
Uncle Ike in DE Judgment †
    Once an old man named Ike died and went to judgment. It was the great day and all the people in the world were coming up to be judged; but they were being judged by races—the whites, the yellow, the Indians and the blacks.
    Ike used to work for some particular white folks and they had always taught him to be on time; so he was up at the throne dead on time. He saw the whites judged and sent to their doom or reward, then Gabriel turned over a new page for the Chinese and so on till everybody had been judged except the Negroes. They hadn’t got to judgment yet. Gabriel turned over a new page for Negroes and called for them to come to the throne. Uncle Ike, he went on up and told the Lord that his race wasn’t there, but he wanted to