Etiquette & Espionage Read Free Page B

perfunctory waggle of her fingertips before returning to the house.

B EWARE F LYWAYMEN, FOR T HEY A RE I LL-DRESSED AND I LL-MANNERED
     
    T he carriage was amazing, outfitted with the latest in automated roof removal, retractable footstool, and collapsible tea caddy. It was a hired transport but decked out like a private conveyance, with walls of midnight-blue quilted velvet to reduce road noise, and gold-fringed blankets to ward off the chill.
    Sophronia barely had time to take it all in before Mademoiselle Geraldine banged the ceiling with the handle of her parasol and they lurched forward.
    More startling than the decoration was the fact that the carriage was already occupied—by two other students. They had, apparently, been sitting patiently the entire time Mademoiselle Geraldine took tea and Sophronia fell out of dumbwaiters and packed all her worldly goods into a portmanteau.
    Directly across from her sat a bright-eyed, lively looking young lady, a little younger than Sophronia, with masses ofhoney-colored hair and a round porcelain face. She wore an enormous gilt and red glass brooch pinned to her bright red dress. The combination of the hair, the jewelry, and the dress made her look quite the scandal, as though she were in training to become a lady of the night. Sophronia was duly impressed.
    “Oh, goodness!” said she to Sophronia, as though Sophronia’s appearance in the cab were the most delightful thing to happen all day. Which, for one left to sit idle in a carriage with no distraction or entertainment, it might well have been.
    “How do you do?” said Sophronia.
    “How do you do? Isn’t this a spiffing day? Really, quite spiffing. I’m Dimity. Who are you?”
    “Sophronia.”
    “Is that all?”
    “What, isn’t it enough?”
    “Oh, well, I mean to say, I’m Dimity Ann Plumleigh-Teignmott, actually, in full.”
    “Sophronia Angelina Temminnick.”
    “Gosh, that’s a mouthful.”
    “It is? I suppose so.”
As though Dimity Ann Plumleigh-Teignmott were a nice easy sort of name.
Sophronia dragged her eyes away from the girl to examine the final occupant of the carriage. It was difficult to make out what kind of creature lurked under the oversized bowler and oiled greatcoat. But, if pressed, she would have said it was some species of grubby boy. He had spectacles that were very thick, a brow that was very creased, and a large dusty book occupying the entirety of his lap and attention.
    “What’s that?” she asked the girl, wrinkling her nose.
    “Oh, that? That’s just Pillover.”
    “And what’s a pillover, when it’s at home?”
    “My little brother.”
    “Ah, I commiserate. I have several of my own. Dashed inconvenient, brothers.” Sophronia nodded, perfectly understanding the outlandish hat and coat.
    Pillover glanced up from behind his spectacles and issued them both a
look
. He seemed a few years younger than his sister, w
    “He’s slated for Bunson’s.”
    “For what?”
    “Bunson and Lacroix’s Boys’ Polytechnique. You know, the other school?”
    Sophronia, who had no idea what Dimity was talking about, pretended to follow out of politeness.
    The girl prattled on. She seemed to be a bit of a prattler. Sophronia was comfortable with this after living with her own family. They were big talkers, but with a lot less interesting things to say than Dimity. “Mummy and Daddy want him to be an evil genius, but he has his heart set on Latin verse. Don’t you, Pill?”
    The boy gave his sister a nasty stare.
    “Pillover is terribly bad at being bad, if you take my meaning. Our daddy is a founding member of the Death Weasel Confederacy, and Mummy is a kitchen chemist with questionable intent, but poor Pillover can’t even bring himself to murder ants with his Depraved Lens of Crispy Magnification. Can you, Pill?”
    Sophronia felt as though she was progressively losing the thread of the conversation. “Death Weasel Confederacy?”
    Dimity nodded, curls bobbing. “I know—can