Epic Fail Read Free Page A

the street or anything—just in animal parks.”
    “I am so jealous,” Chelsea moaned.
    “Eh, seen one kangaroo, seen ’em all.” Derek tentatively poked his fork into another container—something green and slimy this time. “They look like overgrown rats.”
    “They can punch people, right?” Gifford said. “They’re like pro boxers.”
    “I think that’s only in cartoons,” Chase said, and he and Juliana exchanged a grin.
    “Do you have pictures?” Chelsea asked Derek. “Can we see them?”
    “Maybe later.”
    “I want to see them, too,” Gifford said. “Can I see them, too?”
    “What made you choose Australia?” Juliana asked Derek.
    There was a slight pause, like she had said something awkward, but I had no clue why. Was she supposed to know why the guy we’d never met before had just vacationed halfway across the world?
    “Movie shoot,” he finally muttered.
    “Movie shoot?” she repeated blankly.
    “He was keeping his mom company,” Chase added, like that explained it.
    “Oh.” Jules shot me a questioning look, and I shrugged to indicate that I had no more idea than she did who Derek’s mother was, and everyone else was acting like we should already know, which made it impossible to be normal and just ask .
    Derek seemed to have caught our silent exchange. He was watching us curiously, like something about us was confusing to him.
    “Oh God, look at her!” Chelsea exclaimed suddenly.
    “Someone offend your fashion sense by wearing sandals with socks again, Chelsea?” Chase joked. “My sister takes these things very seriously,” he told Juliana.
    “I didn’t realize she was your sister.” Jules looked at me again, and I shook my head—I hadn’t known that either.
    I felt like we needed SparkNotes for this whole lunch.
    “No, seriously,” Chelsea said. “It’s her . The new principal. The one everyone hates already.”
    We all looked up at that and saw her, the new principal, charging around the picnic tables, stopping to pat one kid on the shoulder, exchange a word with another, admonish a third who had let a wrapper blow onto the ground without picking it up, and so on.
    “She looks totally crazy,” Chelsea said. “Which I hear she is . They say they only hired her because the guy they really wanted took another job at the last second so they were stuck and she was the only candidate who was still, you know, available , because no one else would take her.”
    The new principal did look a little nuts. She was wearing a reasonably businesslike dark red suit, but she had matched it with a bright chartreuse top with an enormous bow at the collar, navy tights, and brown pumps. Her graying brown hair had been pinned up in a bun at some earlier point in time, but it was the kind of kinky, wavy hair that plots its escape from the moment you try to capture it, and wisps were flying all over the place.
    Her wire-rimmed glasses were slightly askew. My fingers itched with the urge to straighten them as she stopped at a table near us and asked the kids sitting there if they had any suggestions for improving the cafeteria.
    “Serve Frappuccinos,” said one girl.
    “And Pinkberry!” said another.
    “Free booze,” shouted a boy at the far end of the table.
    “Who said that?” asked the principal sharply, swiveling to look in the direction the voice had come from. A lot of boys were sitting there. They all grinned at her innocently. “That’s not funny.”
    “Oh, for God’s sake,” Chelsea said. “The woman can’t take a joke. Despite quite clearly being one.” She picked up her empty cup and climbed over the bench. “Anyone else need something from the caf?”
    I was about to ask her to grab me a fork and napkin when the principal turned and called out, “Excuse me. You there! What’s your name?”
    As Chelsea reluctantly told her, Juliana and I sank down lower in our seats.
    “Well, Chelsea, it’s nice to meet you.” The principal held out her hand, and Chelsea