Pollack, Laurie Linton, Betty Tompkins, my brothers and sisters of ACT UP, Jennifer Montgomery, Eileen Myles, Marie Dagata, Amy Scholder, Rachel Pfeffer, Kathy Danger, Beryl Satter, Julia Scher, and, always, Maxine Wolfe.
I appreciate the careful reading and specific comments that were offered to me by Dorothy Allison, Mark Ameen, Andrea Freud Lowenstein, Sharon Thompson, and Gary Glickman with a precision that was especially helpful.
For financial and business assistance I thank Tom Hall and the San Francisco Intersection for the Arts, the Cummington Community for the Arts, Sanford Greenburger Associates, Connie Lofton, John Embry and Mario Simon, and Dr. Irving Kittay for leeway in paying my dental bills.
I am very lucky to have had the opportunity to work with my editor, Carole DeSanti. Over the course of six years and three novels we have developed a resonant communication about writing and daily life that is uniquely meaningful for me. Her professional and imaginative guidance have been inspiring throughout.
Some of her intellectual attributes could be associated with masculinity; for instance her acuteness of comprehension and her lucid objectivity, insofar as she was not dominated by her passion.⦠It signified the attainment of the very wish, which, when frustrated, had driven her into homosexuality - namely, the wish to have a child by her father.⦠Once she had been punished for an over-affectionate overture made to a woman, she realized how she could wound her father and take revenge on him. Henceforth she remained homosexual out of defiance against her father.
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- SIGMUND FREUD
âA Case of Homosexuality in a Womanâ
1920
Prologue
Anna sat in the dark as the radio crackled like one emotion too many. Her passion was like sweat without the sweat. It had no idea. No idea of what clarity is. It was two holes burned in the sheet. It was one long neck from lip to chest, as long as a highway. Hot black tar, even at night. A guy spits in the next apartment. Thereâs a dog on the roof.
In Annaâs mind they were two scarves, two straps, two pieces of fresh pine wood. How many body parts can a person have? Itâs unfathomable.
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MY SUGGESTION
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ANNA O. and the woman she loves are together in Annaâs stark apartment. The WOMAN , handsome and wicked, is sitting in a simple chair. ANNA is standing coyly within range of her loverâs arms. They refrain from touching. ANNA feels casual and pleasurably feminine.
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ANNA
I donât think it affects me, actually. I donât have any problem with it. Donât you believe me? Honey?
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WOMAN
I believe you.
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ANNA
Youâre very sexy to me.
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WOMAN
Does that make you nervous?
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ANNA
No, it makes me feel good.
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WOMAN
Talk some more so I can watch your mouth move.
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ANNA looks at her inquisitively, wondering if that was an order. But she gets so caught up in the womanâs beauty that the question gets lost.
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ANNA
About?
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WOMAN
About romance andâ¦a car.
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ANNA
A car and a lover and a loud radio. The top was down. The sun was bright. I drove with my left hand and got her off with my right. I felt her come in my hand as I was speeding and I remember thinking, This is love. This is fun . Then we pulled over and laughed. I was so comfortable.
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WOMAN
Happy.
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ANNA
Yes. Relaxed. More?
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WOMAN
Tell me about a mistake you made. A big one.
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ANNA
A mistake?
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She hesitates, surprised.
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ANNA
Wait.
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WOMAN
What are you doing?
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ANNA
Iâm looking to see if I can trust you.
( Looks )
Yes, I trust you. I met a woman and a man and we got too close. There was the inevitable night of drinking and teasing until we decided to play a game.
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WOMAN
At whose suggestion?
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ANNA
My suggestion. We decided that each one would say their fantasy and the other two would fulfill it.
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WOMAN
Uh-oh. I donât do that