for my drawing.’
‘Brilliant. I always knew you were a clever girl. Can I see your picture?’
‘It’s at school. On the wall.’
‘Well, when you bring it home you can put it on the wall here.’
Zoe shook her head and glanced at her mum as if betraying a trust. Something wasn’t right in this house, Kathy was sure. Pam plugged in the kettle and returned to the sink to wipe up the splashes before moving to the cupboard to get mugs. Kathy was surprised to see them lined up in a complete regimented fashion, all the handles pointing in the same direction. Pam hesitated before removing one mug. She appeared thinner, tired, and Kathy had the urge to go to her and give her a big hug, to hold her and tell her it would be alright, except she wasn’t sure how Pam would react. There was an invisible barrier around her, holding all the sting of barbed wire.
Instead, she went forward and took the mug out of her hand. ‘Why don’t I make us both a brew while you sit down with Zoe and open her presents?’
Pam hesitated until Zoe piped up. ‘Can I open them, Mum? Can I?’
With an echo of the old Pam and a faint smile, she gave in and went to her daughter. ‘Yes. Open your presents.’
As Pam sat down to help Zoe, Kathy got down another mug and searched for the teabags. ‘Where are Amy and Phoebe?’ she asked, thinking how quiet the house was.
‘In their rooms, chatting with friends on their computers.’
Kathy placed the two mugs of tea on the table as Zoe tore open her main present.
‘Oh, thank you, Granny Kathy. I shall call her Wendy. Like in Peter Pan. I read two whole pages to the class. Miss Turner said—’
‘Zoe, please stop bothering Granny and go and fetch your sisters.’
Her face dropped but she slipped down and went to get Amy and Phoebe. Turning back to Pam, Kathy found she was busy carefully folding the wrapping paper into neat squares and pressing them into tidy stacks. ‘How are you, Pam?’
‘I’m fine – thank you.’ She paused as if unused to making conversation and with great effort added, ‘Are you well?’
Kathy wondered whether to mention Jonathan’s death. She might be relieved. ‘Yes, thanks. Have you heard that Jonathan James is dead?’
Pam shivered and stood up, wrapping her arms around herself.
‘I just thought you’d like to know.’ Kathy kicked herself for being selfish, as if she needed praise for accomplishing his death. ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned it.’ She reached out to Pam who backed further away, just as Zoe came back with Amy and Phoebe. Kathy noticed they all walked down the hallway in the same way, avoiding the carpet and staying on the wooden flooring.
Eight-year-old Amy came for a hug, but ten-year-old Phoebe hung back, glancing at her mother.
‘Shall we go into the lounge and you can tell me what you’ve been up to?’ Kathy suggested.
There was a silence, which hung in the air until Phoebe broke it. ‘Mum keeps that room for best.’
Kathy guessed Phoebe was used to protecting Pam, even colluding with her. She appeared subdued and not at all the bright spark of a girl Kathy remembered.
Pam was wiping down the draining board and Kathy noticed her shoulders relax at Phoebe’s reply. She felt a flash of anger at the responsibility being placed on Phoebe and tried to push it down, knowing getting cross wouldn’t help.
Now she was adding to the pressure. If Pam knew she would only stay for a short time, maybe she would be more willing to let her in again. ‘Well, I’d better get on.’ Kathy went to put her mug in the sink, but Pam took it from her.
The relief was obvious. Kathy kissed Zoe and Amy and looked towards Phoebe, who had gone to stand beside her mum. It seemed as if she was blending into her mum’s shield of barbed wire, so Kathy just spoke to her instead of trying for a hug. ‘Goodbye, Phoebe. Do well at school, love.’
She nodded and Zoe led the way to the front door. ‘You have my number don’t you,