I shared myself with Rhyson and he betrayed the trust it took me so long to give. Maybe I’m afraid to open up because I’m in an industry of takers who would usurp my place in a heartbeat if I slack off even a little. On days like today when I’d rather be cuddled in bed than putting on false eyelashes at five a.m., all I want to do is let up, but I can’t. I don’t want to gain everything I’ve dreamed of only to lose everything I am, but I feel that happening in some ways, and it all starts behind the eyes.
“You ready?” John Malcolm asks from the doorway.
Ella takes her place behind me again, swiveling me on the stool so she can apply a creamy foundation.
“I’m ready.”
“Always.” Malcolm leans his back against the wall, a smile creasing his puffy face, making him look like a happy blowfish. “Always the professional.”
“Thanks,” I murmur, barely parting the lips Ella is lining.
“This appearance is a big deal, Kai.” Malcolm watches the makeup motions Ella goes through. “ Morning Hype isn’t just one of New York’s biggest shows. It’s one of the biggest shows. And even though Luke was the original draw, your performance on tour is creating enough buzz for them to ask you to come along.”
I just nod since Ella’s filling in my lips with our favorite red matte. This isn’t my first radio appearance with Luke. Yeah, it’s the biggest, but why do I get the feeling there’s more to it? Probably because Malcolm is rubbing his chin in the way that means he’s broaching a touchy subject.
“They have this segment called No Holds Barred.” Malcolm leans forward the tiniest bit, making sure he looks right into my eyes even though Ella is brushing shadow across my eyelids. “They’ll have questions about Gray.”
It takes a nanosecond to sink in. I’ve scrupulously avoided all questions and discussion of my relationship with Rhyson. Maybe it would have been smart for me to talk about it. To blast in every interview that I’m done with Rhyson Gray. That there’s no hope for us. Maybe that would have bought me some breathing room with my blackmailer. I just never could do it. Never could say we’re kaput. Every time I consider his betrayal, it’s like a fresh blow to my heart. He held me when Total Package turned me down. He was the one who kissed away my tears. If I fell for that, what else was a lie?
If something is built on a lie, can it still be real?
I can’t make myself believe that what Rhys and I shared wasn’t real, that it was all somehow a fabrication. He was the realest thing I’ve ever had.
And, even with the lies, I still miss him.
“I’m not talking about Rhyson.” I lower my real lashes, wishing now for the falsies to hide behind.
“It’s No Holds Barred.” Irritation pinches Malcolm’s bushy eyebrows together. “Everyone who agrees to go on the show understands that’s part of the deal.”
“Well, I didn’t agree.” I give him a steady stare. Calm resolve is the best way to handle Malcolm. “You booked this, not me, and it’s the first I’ve heard of answering questions about Rhys.”
“Kai, the public is still fascinated with that video fiasco. It’s got millions of hits.”
“That ‘video fiasco’ as you call it was my real life. A real relationship.”
“I hate to say it, but talking about it could make you an even hotter prospect.”
“No, you don’t.” I shake my head, ignoring Ella’s warning look to keep still.
“No, I don’t what?” Malcolm asks.
“You don’t hate to say it. You’ve wanted me to talk about this from day one.”
“Because I’ve always understood the public’s fascination with you and Gray. We should use it to your advantage.”
To my advantage? Or yours?
“I won’t use my relationship that way.”
Interest piques the look Malcolm gives me.
“So there’s still a relationship?”
“No, that’s not what I mean.” I smile my thanks to Ella in the mirror when she pats my shoulder to
“You ready?” John Malcolm asks from the doorway.
Ella takes her place behind me again, swiveling me on the stool so she can apply a creamy foundation.
“I’m ready.”
“Always.” Malcolm leans his back against the wall, a smile creasing his puffy face, making him look like a happy blowfish. “Always the professional.”
“Thanks,” I murmur, barely parting the lips Ella is lining.
“This appearance is a big deal, Kai.” Malcolm watches the makeup motions Ella goes through. “ Morning Hype isn’t just one of New York’s biggest shows. It’s one of the biggest shows. And even though Luke was the original draw, your performance on tour is creating enough buzz for them to ask you to come along.”
I just nod since Ella’s filling in my lips with our favorite red matte. This isn’t my first radio appearance with Luke. Yeah, it’s the biggest, but why do I get the feeling there’s more to it? Probably because Malcolm is rubbing his chin in the way that means he’s broaching a touchy subject.
“They have this segment called No Holds Barred.” Malcolm leans forward the tiniest bit, making sure he looks right into my eyes even though Ella is brushing shadow across my eyelids. “They’ll have questions about Gray.”
It takes a nanosecond to sink in. I’ve scrupulously avoided all questions and discussion of my relationship with Rhyson. Maybe it would have been smart for me to talk about it. To blast in every interview that I’m done with Rhyson Gray. That there’s no hope for us. Maybe that would have bought me some breathing room with my blackmailer. I just never could do it. Never could say we’re kaput. Every time I consider his betrayal, it’s like a fresh blow to my heart. He held me when Total Package turned me down. He was the one who kissed away my tears. If I fell for that, what else was a lie?
If something is built on a lie, can it still be real?
I can’t make myself believe that what Rhys and I shared wasn’t real, that it was all somehow a fabrication. He was the realest thing I’ve ever had.
And, even with the lies, I still miss him.
“I’m not talking about Rhyson.” I lower my real lashes, wishing now for the falsies to hide behind.
“It’s No Holds Barred.” Irritation pinches Malcolm’s bushy eyebrows together. “Everyone who agrees to go on the show understands that’s part of the deal.”
“Well, I didn’t agree.” I give him a steady stare. Calm resolve is the best way to handle Malcolm. “You booked this, not me, and it’s the first I’ve heard of answering questions about Rhys.”
“Kai, the public is still fascinated with that video fiasco. It’s got millions of hits.”
“That ‘video fiasco’ as you call it was my real life. A real relationship.”
“I hate to say it, but talking about it could make you an even hotter prospect.”
“No, you don’t.” I shake my head, ignoring Ella’s warning look to keep still.
“No, I don’t what?” Malcolm asks.
“You don’t hate to say it. You’ve wanted me to talk about this from day one.”
“Because I’ve always understood the public’s fascination with you and Gray. We should use it to your advantage.”
To my advantage? Or yours?
“I won’t use my relationship that way.”
Interest piques the look Malcolm gives me.
“So there’s still a relationship?”
“No, that’s not what I mean.” I smile my thanks to Ella in the mirror when she pats my shoulder to
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