Don't You Remember Read Free Page B

if I was in distress from wanting something so much I’m not sure I could have. I felt somewhat foolish trying to understand my feelings; realizing this must be what the analogy ‘heart rule’s the head’ means. I was in unknown territory. I needed to think about how long I could keep my feelings to myself. How long would it be before I told him the truth? Given the way I felt right now, I’m not sure I could hold out much longer. He made me feel alive, more alive than ever.
    I lay back on my bed, closed my eyes and thought about kissing Johnny. What would that be like? I imagined kissing him and him kissing me back and wondered if I should just go for it. I wondered if he thought about me in the same way. My desire for him became a necessity I had never experienced before – as essential as the blood flowing through my veins. I now knew I not only wanted him, I needed him.
    “Jen? Hey, Jen, are you there?” Johnny shouted to me from his window.
    I snapped out of my fantasy, sat up and reached out towards the window pulling back the net curtain so he could see me. “I’m here,” I smiled. I felt like I was blushing, as if he might realize I had just fantasized about him.
    “Meet you out the front.”
    “OK,” I said grabbing my shoes and fastening them to my feet.
    I didn’t bother to say goodbye to my folks, or to Johnny’s mum and her partner for that matter, they wouldn’t even notice I’d left. The thing with my parents is they completely trust me; I am responsible and never ask for anything, like a dream lodger that lives in the same house but whom you never see, one that pays their way and asks for nothing in return.
    I turned my tape deck off, collected my house keys and popped them into my back pocket. I ran to the front door, quietly opened it and locked up. I could see Johnny waiting for me and jumped towards him from the porch step to the pavement. “Here I am,” I said playfully, putting my arms out to the side to reveal that I was actually there.
    He smiled at me and turned to walk toward Raven Lake.

 
     
     
    CHAPTER FOUR
     
    The days and weeks rolled into one, each day felt the same as the next with one exception, my growing feelings for Johnny. Johnny was attractive to me now, in the same way that someone who you have never thought of as good-looking suddenly becomes appealing because of their superb personality, I say this because Johnny and I have always had a best friend, platonic relationship, some might even say a bit like a brother and sister relationship but that would be wrong, because we don’t fight like brothers and sisters, we get on perfectly, like best mates.
    At school I went about my business, doing my normal lessons, going to the library after I had eaten my lunch so that I could complete my homework, assignments, essays or projects that required the use of a variety of books for research. I saw Johnny everywhere at school, often with Samantha Bison. They were marked down as being the most popular and beautiful couple at school.
    On a few occasions, Johnny invited Samantha to join our previously earmarked ‘Johnny and Jen’ time. That meant the three of us often went to the lake late at night but I opted to leave early when Samantha was there. Johnny didn’t like me walking home on my own, so I began to choose to not go at all, in order not to cramp their style. I didn’t want to feel like a tag along, which is ultimately how I felt even though Johnny would tell me not to think like that. Samantha tried her best to be a good friend to me in the same way any girlfriend tries to get on with their boyfriend’s family. I was polite and kind but I didn’t really want to be friends with her, I wanted her to leave me alone. Sometimes I found her patronizing in the way that she treated me like Johnny’s kid sister and not as her equal. I considered myself more than that; I was so much more independent which, in itself, offers a whole different kind of maturity and