Don't Be Afraid

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Book: Don't Be Afraid Read Free
Author: Daniela Sacerdoti
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tired, and I didn’t feel well, and I took too many pills by accident,” I said, my voice cold and toneless.
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œI said it was an accident. This is all a big misunderstanding. I want to speak to the consultant myself.”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œYou heard me.”
    â€œIsabel . . .”
    â€œI need to go home and I need to be left alone, Angus.”
    â€œSo you can try it again?”
    â€œI never tried anything. It was an accident. I need you to stand by me in this.”
    â€œYou want me to lie for you.”
    â€œIt’s not a lie.”
    â€œIt is a lie! And if I do this you won’t get the help you need!”
    â€œI will. I will,” I begged, suddenly vulnerable again. “We can decide together what I need to do. But please, Angus, having strangers coming up to the house and phoning me is not going to help, it’s just going to upset me more.”
    Angus paused. I studied his face – maybe that had been the right thing to say. Maybe I had found an opening. He looked down and then rubbed his forehead once more in a gesture so despondent it squeezed my heart.
    â€œFine.”
    â€œIt was an accident,” I repeated.
    â€œYou are going to take your medication.”
    â€œI never meant to do anything stupid.”
    â€œYou promise me—”
    â€œI’ll promise you anything, as long as you keep them away from me.”
    â€œJust remember, Bell.”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œIf you kill yourself, you’ll kill me too.”

4
Lie to me

    Say you still love me
Lie to me
    Â 
    Isabel
    I had convinced Angus. We would lie together, and they’d have to believe us. They would have to send me home and leave me alone. Not completely – I couldn’t hope for that – but at least I wouldn’t have people coming to see me every day.
    Dr Tilden was due to see me any minute now. I struggled to open my eyes through the sedative they’d given me. The pain in my stomach was now a dull ache. And finally, there was a knock at the door. A consultant – Dr Tilden, presumably – followed my husband into the room, and all of a sudden I felt a lot more awake. Would he agree to send me home? I blinked, trying to focus – the doctor was tall, and he seemed even taller because I was lying down, powerless. I sat up, Angus arranging the pillows behind my back. The doctor had a shirt and tie under his white coat. He and Angus spoke like I wasn’t there, just like the nurse had. He mentioned therapy; yes, I had agoraphobia, which meant I couldn’t get out of the house, but they could come to me.
    And, of course, the medication. He could see what I’d been prescribed . . . and he listed the poisons I was supposed to take.
    â€œHave you been taking them?”
    A pause. I could see Angus was torn between his desire to take me home, to protect me, and the impulse to tell the truth. Because that would be protecting me, too. He settled for a compromise.
    â€œNot as regularly as she should have.”
    That was my cue.
    â€œI’m going to take them every day,” I swore. Angus looked into my eyes. I realised I was not lying any more – I realised my promise was truthful. I’d try, I’d try as hard as I could. For Angus. For myself.
    And then, it was time for my big act.
    â€œIt was an accident.”
    â€œI don’t think this is what it looks like,” Angus reiterated, reading once more the unspoken prayer in my gaze. “She didn’t mean for this to happen.”
    Dr Tilden looked from Angus to me for a moment.
    â€œI’d like to speak to Isabel alone, if I may?” he said.
    â€œI would prefer it if my husband stayed,” I demanded. I wasn’t going to let this doctor decide how things would play out.
    Dr Tilden and Angus exchanged a look, and the consultant nodded.
    â€œAll right. Isabel, I spoke to your husband about where we go from here. You were

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