Dog Eat Dog Read Free Page A

that’s all.”
    “Funny shape for a spit,” he said.
    We paused, smoked.
    “What’s it about, do you suppose... your guiltiness?”
    “I didn’t say I was guilty, exactly.”
    “You done something you shouldn’t have? Something bad ?” He exaggerated the word bad , mocking it, as if he didn’t believe in it.
    “Nope,” I said, steely.
    “Yes you did,” he said.
    I waited. I even closed my eyes for it. The only good thing was that Toy was so tough that I’d probably be dead before I felt anything.
    “I heard you set Sullivan’s house on fire. True?”
    I let out a very, very loud pheewww sound, like the sound of a fire extinguisher. That was all he knew?
    “Ya, ya,” I said happily. “Practically burned a whole wall down.”
    “What are you, proud? I would have killed you. Did the old man kill you?”
    “No. He threw me out, though, but then he let me back in.”
    “He took you...? Mick, can I tell you that I don’t understand the way your neighborhood works at all ? Can I tell you that? Myself, I’d have killed you. Would have torn your lungs right out if you did something like that in my house.”
    I accidentally inhaled the cigar smoke. Coughing, coughing, hacking, I felt my whole head get flushed. My lungs felt like they were tearing, but at the moment it was good to feel them still in there.
    “You all right?” Toy said, beating on my back hard.
    I nodded, slowly regained my breath. The feeling of Toy’s big hand covering most of my back relaxed me, took away a lot of the fear. When I stopped being afraid of him, I felt a need to talk to him.
    “I almost left, you know. I packed my bag and left the Sullivans’ without even knowing where I’d go. Just wanted to once and for all bolt from this town.”
    He nodded. He relit his cigar.
    “But I didn’t leave.”
    “But you didn’t leave.” Toy said it as if there was no other possible end to that story like, of course I didn’t leave.
    “Why didn’t I leave? I still don’t have a real answer to that. I look around and I can’t see why I’m here. So...?”
    He nodded again, as if I had said something to agree with.
    “You understand, I know it, Toy. Let’s talk about you, for example.”
    “Let’s not,” he said with the cigar clenched in his teeth.
    “No, really. You go on trips all the time. And you always come back.”
    Very slowly he drew the cigar out of his mouth. “One time I won’t,” he said quietly.
    “Where do you go, Toy, on your trips? Huh, where do you go?”
    He stuck the cigar back in his mouth and talked around it again, turning away from me at the same time. “Mick, did I tell you a long time ago that it was none of your business where I go? I don’t remember, did I tell you that?”
    “Ah, ya, I believe you did, now that you mention it.”
    “Good, so I don’t have to tell you that now.”
    “I guess you don’t.”
    Toy stretched out, groaned, stood to go.
    “Wait a minute,” I said, panicky. I needed to get something from him. Something. “The reason I asked is that I think maybe I should start by doing what you do, you know, just taking regular trips instead of leaving for good yet. Do you think?”
    “I think you already take regular trips, is what I think.”
    “Don’t say that. I’m straight now. I’m not wasting myself anymore.”
    Toy put his hands on his hips and spat the stub of the cigar out in my direction. “Just like that?”
    “Just like that. That was the first step, to not be a fuckup anymore. The next step is to be more like you. You just have it all together. I want that.”
    “Okay, you want it?” He growled the words at me. “The story is that you are like me. I’m a fake, and so are you. Just because I don’t tell you things about myself doesn’t mean I’m not lying at the same time. And you, all you want, Mick, is to bingo-bingo, snap your fingers and change into something you think is cool. But you know it didn’t work. Dressing up like Ruben didn’t deliver