Die Once Live Twice Read Free Page A

ate with an unaccustomed sense of calm.
    “What a great beef pie,” William said to Katherine. “I’ve never had the like.”
    “Momma did it.”
    “We did it together,” Lillian said, and Katherine beamed with pride.
    They stayed up later than usual that night, enjoying the warm fire and comfort of being a family. Katherine and William went back to the kitchen to wash the dishes. Lillian lay herself down on the chaise in the den. Pain wracked her spine and her chest was burning deep inside.
    In the kitchen William said to his daughter, “I know this has been difficult for you, my girl,” he said. “Soon—”
    Katherine interrupted him. “It’s hard on all of us, Father, but what I don’t understand is, is—Mother is leaving and you don’t—no one seems interested in helping her get better.”
    “We are doing everything that can be done,” William said firmly. “Things are going to...” he paused and stammered a moment, “ change here very soon. We are all going to have to work together to get through it.” William still couldn’t bring himself to say Lillian was going to die.
    “What about that doctor? Why does he never come here?”
    “Katherine, I need you to listen to me.” Katherine stared at him silently. “There’s nothing the doctor can do except to ease your mother’s pain. I’m angry too that your mother is so ill, and to be honest, I’m scared. I’m scared for her and for you. I’m scared of what our life will be like without her. Sometimes, that fear causes me to lose my patience and for that I’m sorry. But I need you to help me.”
    All Katherine’s anger burst out, and questions flew from her mouth with little control. “Why do you need my help? Why don’t you get someone to help her ? Why don’t we get more help in the house? Why does she always have to keep trying to work and you just let her?”
    William sighed, and nodded. “So that’s it. You think I’m neglecting her. Katherine, dear, I think we need to clear a few things up.” William laid down the dish he was drying and tried to put his arm around Katherine’s waist, but she spun away from him, her arms folded across her chest.
    At that moment Lillian appeared in the doorway. “The two of you! I could hear you all the way in the den!” She sat down on a kitchen chair. “Katherine, don’t be angry with your father. I’m the one who insisted that we not hire any more help.”
    Katherine’s arms fell to her sides. “But why, Momma? Look at how weak you are!”
    “I knew it was going to be an extra burden on you but I thought it might help you to—well—prepare yourself for being an adult and to learn the value of the work you do.” Katherine looked slowly from her mother to her father, trying to absorb her mother’s words. “Dear, when the doctor told us what was happening, my first thoughts were, ‘I can’t believe this. It must be a mistake.’ I don’t think I had any other thought for the whole ride home. Why did I get this disease? Why did the Lord want to take me away from you? I couldn’t understand.”
    Katherine’s hands balled up in fists. “I don’t understand either.”
    “Katherine, come to me, please.” She did, and Lillian took Katherine’s hand in hers. “I was very angry for some time, and then I realized that asking why and being angry wouldn’t help me enjoy the time I had left with you. Does that make sense to you?” Katherine nodded hesitantly. “You see, I had to make a decision on how I wanted to spend that time, and I decided to spend it the only way I had ever spent it. I wanted our time together to be as normal as possible by being able to do all the things I have always done. That allowed me to keep my fear at arm’s length. What I didn’t know was how guilty I would feel at leaving you.”
    “You? You feel guilty?”
    “Yes. I am your mother. I am supposed to lead you into becoming a woman, but I can’t. I am leaving. I am forsaking you.”
    Katherine