Die of Shame Read Free Page A

rolls her eyes and looks at Diana. ‘Bloody hell, where do we start?’
    ‘You were right about him being needy,’ Caroline says.
    ‘He just wants attention all the time,’ Heather says. ‘Likes to show off.’
    ‘Still no excuse for being rude though.’ Diana tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. An expensive cut and dye job matches the high-end make-up which had been reapplied on the walk from Tony’s. Her dove grey tracksuit, aside from being a fraction of the size, looks a damn sight more expensive than the one Caroline had bought at Sports Direct. ‘Mind you, he would never admit to being an arsehole, he’d just say he was being “waspish”.’
    ‘He’s gay, right?’ Caroline asks.
    ‘Oh yeah, very.’
    ‘You just wait,’ Heather says. ‘A few sessions in and you’ll be sick to death of hearing about Chris’s bloody sex life. He likes to throw in as much graphic detail as possible, you know?’
    ‘He thinks he’s being shocking,’ Diana says. She mimes an exaggerated yawn. ‘All part of the attention thing. Actually, much as he gets on my tits, I think it’s just a defence mechanism. You know, a wall he puts up.’
    ‘He was just having a pop at you because you’re new,’ Heather says. ‘Wanted to see if you could take it.’
    Caroline sips her mineral water. ‘I can look after myself. I’ve had plenty of it over the years.’
    ‘Yeah, I bet,’ Heather says.
    The pub is getting busier, noisier, and Caroline has to lean in to make herself heard without raising her voice. ‘Robin seems nice, though.’
    ‘He is,’ Diana says. ‘He’s very… keen.’
    ‘So are you,’ Heather says.
    Diana reddens. ‘You know what I mean. Like volunteering to go first with this whole shame thing.’
    ‘Yeah, well.’ Heather gives Diana a knowing look.
    ‘Is that a South African accent he’s got?’ Caroline asks.
    Heather nods. ‘He came over when he was a teenager, I think. Went to university over here.’
    ‘He
is
a doctor or he
was
a doctor?’
    ‘He still is,’ Diana says. ‘But he stopped for a while.’
    ‘What he was saying about how easy it was to get drugs?’ Heather slowly stirs the ice in her drink with a straw as she speaks. ‘When it got really bad he used to do this whole drug diversion thing, yeah? So, he’d give his patient a bit, find some excuse to leave the room, shoot a bit in his own arm then go back and give his patient the rest.’ She sees the shock on Caroline’s face. ‘I know, sharing needles and all that, but it happens all the time according to Robin. With anaesthetists especially. Anyway, turns out he gave a few of his patients hepatitis C, which, you know, you can die from, and that was when he realised he needed to clean his act up.’
    ‘He wasn’t caught?’
    ‘No, but he knew it was only a matter of time, so he took a “sabbatical” for a year and sorted his life out. Amazing, really.’
    Diana nods her agreement. ‘Robin’s very passionate about being in recovery, very motivated. Still goes to a lot of meetings. NA and so on.’
    ‘What about you?’
    Diana shakes her head.
    ‘Me neither,’ Heather says. ‘Just Tony’s sessions. I meditate as well…’
    Caroline thinks for a few seconds. ‘What you were saying, about the moment Robin knew he needed to get clean or whatever? It was one particular photo for me. I couldn’t bear to look at it. That and chucking down tramadol like they were Smarties.’
    ‘Different for everyone, I suppose,’ Diana says. ‘There was one really bad week, I couldn’t get the lid on the recycling bin. All the empties, you know?’
    Heather lays a hand on top of Diana’s, just for a second or two. ‘I knew a junkie in rehab who decided to get clean when his mum died and the family wouldn’t let him see the body.’
    Caroline looks confused. ‘Sorry, I don’t…?’
    ‘They thought he might steal the jewellery they were laying her to rest with. Yeah… that’s probably the worst one I’ve ever