Diary of a Crush: French Kiss Read Free Page B

like she’s stepped out of the pages of a style mag or something. She wears the same stuff as me (jeans and little cardies or vintage dresses) but she looks a million times better. I was so conscious of my bottle-green, school cardie and boring black cords. Sometimes a girl just can’t pull off the casual thang.
    Anyway, they just locked into this private groove, whispering and giggling softly. Dylan had his arm round her and every now and again she’d sort of nuzzle her head against his shoulder. I pretended that I was engrossed in my book, but I just sat there and wondered why the sound of people laughing could be, like, the loneliest sound in the world. Then Dylan got up and as he passed me he tugged one of my pigtails, but he’d gone before I could turn round. I watched Shona from behind my book and she was writing really fast and feverishly. Reams of it.
    When it was time to go, she tore up what she’d been writing, chucked all the little bits of paper in the bin and wafted past me. Our eyes met for a second, so I tried to smile but she stuck her nose in the air and marched out. Everything was so weird. Why was Mia being such a bitch? And why was Dylan avoiding me? And why did Shona get to be beautiful and mysterious in such a cool way?
    No Photography today as Martyn’s off sick. Can’t decide if I’m disappointed or relieved with all the stuff that’s going on.
23rd October
    Nat and Trent are the only people speaking to me, apart from the ’rents who don’t count. Obviously, I’m a horrible person and no-one wants to know me.
    I saw Dylan in town. He was with Shona. Again. He seemed so remote – I realised it was stupid to imagine that there was some bond between us. When I see him tomorrow, I’m going to pretend that he doesn’t exist. It’s about the only way that I can hold on to my last shreds of sanity.
27th October
    Oh God, I’ve made such a fool of myself. I’m sitting in the naff café that no-one ever goes into and I’ve got to go to Photography class in a minute but I’m not sure that I can.
    My obsession with Dylan has leaked over into an obsession with Shona. They’re always whispering together lately and I know there’s all sorts of secrets going on and it’s driving me crazy. I’m sure there’s more to this ‘best friends since we were embryos’ thing.
    This morning I walked into the first floor loos to hear Shona screeching at Mia, ‘Just keep your stinking carcass away from him!’ before storming out. Then Mia shot me an absolutely filthy look before disappearing. I’m getting so fixated on Shona that I even followed her at morning break. She went into Oxfam and I hid behind the book-stand and watched her nearly buy this really cool Sixties black bag. So, I bought it instead, when she’d left. I’m practically stalking her.
    It got worse. At afternoon break, she sat in the library doing her manic scribbling routine again and then chucking it all in the bin. Five minutes later (when I should have been in French), I was rifling through the bin and hoping that there wasn’t any goopy stuff in there when I felt two hands squeeze my waist.
    I turned my head, dead flustered, and Dylan was standing right behind me, smiling and saying, ‘What on earth are you doing, weirdo? Did you miss breakfast or something?’ A million things were running through my head. Did he know what I was really up to? Why was he always laughing at me? I was trembling like a leaf in a thunderstorm. I could feel his warm breath on the top of my head and his hands resting on my waist, seemed really cool while my skin burned up.
    I leaned back against him for one second and he lowered his head like, I don’t know, like he was about to kiss me. But it was just all too much, I twisted away from him and shot out of the library.
    How can I ever face him again?
27th October (later)
    By the time I got to Photography class, there was nowhere to sit but in the back row with Simon, Paul and… Dylan. Which is