Days of Blood & Starlight Read Free Page B

of air, the shuddering impact. Theforce of it, but… not the bite. The instant passed and he opened his eyes. The ax blade was embedded in the hardpan next to his cheek and Liraz was already walking away.
    He lay there, looking up at the stars and breathing, and as the air passed in and out of him, it settled on him with weight that he was alive.
    It wasn’t some fractional surprise, or momentary gratitude for being spared an ax in the face. Well, there was that, too, but this was bigger, heavier. It was the understanding—and burden—that unlike those many dead because of him, he had
life
, and life wasn’t a default state—
I am not dead, hence I must be alive
—but a medium. For action, for effort. As long as he had life, who deserved it so little, he would use it, wield it, and do whatever he could in its name, even if it was not, was never, enough.
    And even though Karou would never know.
    Hazael appeared over him. Sweat beaded his brow. His face was flushed, but his expression remained mild. “Comfortable down there, are you?”
    “I could sleep,” Akiva said, and felt the truth of it.
    “You may recall, you have a bunk for that.”
    “Do I?” He paused. “Still?”
    “Once a bastard, always a bastard,” replied Hazael, which was a way of saying there was no way out of the Misbegotten. The emperor bred them for a purpose; they served until they died. Be that as it may, it didn’t mean his brother and sister had to forgive him. Akiva glanced at Liraz. Hazael followed his gaze. He said, “Windup soldier? Really?” He shook his head, and, in his way of delivering insults without rancor, added, “Idiot.”
    “I didn’t mean it.”
    “I know.” So simple.
He knew
. Never theatrics with Hazael. “If I thought you had, I wouldn’t be standing here.” The haft of the poleax was angled across Akiva’s body. Hazael grasped it, wrenched it free of the ground, and set it upright.
    Akiva sat up. “Listen. On the bridge…” he began, but didn’t know what to say. How, exactly, do you apologize for betrayal?
    Hazael didn’t make him grope for words. In his easy, lazy voice, he said, “On the bridge you protected a girl.” He shrugged. “Do you want to know something? It’s a relief to finally understand what happened to you.” He was talking about eighteen years ago, when Akiva had disappeared for a month and resurfaced changed. “We used to talk about it.” He gestured to Liraz. She was sorting the weapons in the rack, either not paying attention to them or pretending not to. “We used to wonder, but we stopped a long time ago. This was just who you were now, and I can’t say I liked you better, but you’re my brother. Right, Lir?”
    Their sister didn’t reply, but when Hazael tossed her the poleax, she caught it neatly.
    Hazael held out his hand to Akiva.
    Is that all?
Akiva wondered. He was stiff and battered, and when his brother pulled him to his feet, another pain ripped from his shoulder, but it still felt too easy.
    “You should have told us about her,” Hazael said. “Years ago.”
    “I wanted to.”
    “I know.”
    Akiva shook his head; he almost could have smiled, if it weren’t for everything else. “You know all, do you?”
    “I know
you
.” Hazael wasn’t smiling, either. “And I know something has happened again. This time, though, you’ll tell us.”
    “No more secrets.” This came from Liraz, who still stood at a distance, grave and fierce.
    “We didn’t expect you back,” said Hazael. “The last time we saw you, you were… committed.”
    If he was vague, Liraz was blunt. “Where’s the girl?” she asked.
    Akiva hadn’t said it out loud yet. Telling them would make it real, and the word caught in his throat, but he forced it out. “Dead,” he said. “She’s dead.”

5
A S TRANGE M OON W ORD
    From: Zuzana
    Subject: Hellooooo
    To: Karou
    HELLO. Hello hello hello hello hello