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because everyone out there is smarter than me and has a better job than me and looks down on me the second they know where I’m from, and I fucking hate it.” I pressed a finger over his lips before he could talk. “But I love that you and your parents did all this for Lucy. And not just the presents and the party, but everything you’ve done. And I really was trying to be sociable and shit, but I kind of had to get out of there before I wrecked it by throwing a punch.”
    “You’re not an asshole.”
    That’s what he took away from that? “I kind of am.”
    He wavered. “Not always.”
    That made me smile and lifted some of my bad mood.
    “Would you really have thrown a punch?”
    “Yeah.” I shrugged. “You know us reffos, LT. We’re lazy as fuck, but we can fight dirty if we want.”
    Cam’s grinned. “I wouldn’t expect any less.”
    I leaned in for a kiss. “Fuck, no, you wouldn’t. Someone’s gotta keep you city boys on your toes.”
    “So come back outside with me,” he said, his fingers curling behind my ear, “and keep me on my toes.”
    * * * *
    After the party, Cam’s mother offered to take Lucy for the night.
    “You know she’s always welcome to stay.” Her smile was a little too bright. “And I’m sure you two could do with a night on your own.”
    “Can I?” Lucy asked, eyes wide with hope. “Can I stay?”
    Catherine looked at Cam, not at me, like she knew she wouldn’t like what she saw in my face.
    Cam didn’t need to ask me what I thought.
    “Maybe another time,” he said.
    “Okay,” Catherine said, that too-bright smile faltering.
    I think she thought I didn’t trust her and David, but it wasn’t that.
    I’d promised my dad I would look after Lucy.
    More than that, when I was in the black, I’d felt the loss of her so fucking profoundly that the ache had never left me. I could feel it even now, even when she was right in front of me. Even when her hand was clasped in mine, I could feel millions of miles stretching out between us. Once, I’d been so sure that I’d failed her, that she would die alone and afraid, that I couldn’t let her go now. What if she needed me and I wasn’t there?
    “It’s not fair!” Lucy scowled at me. “You’re not being fair!”
    I ushered her out the door so I wouldn’t have to see Catherine’s disappointment, and left Cam to make whatever excuses he could for my overprotectiveness.
    It was already dark by the time we reached the station and caught the train. The carriage was mostly empty. Lucy picked a seat near the window, and I sat next to her. She huffed and ignored me. Cam sat across from us, the bag of Lucy’s presents balanced between his feet.
    I don’t think I’d ever gotten a birthday present in my life before I met Cam. Hell, the only surprise I ever got was the letter when I turned sixteen saying that I’d been conscripted. It was good that Lucy was learning a different way to grow up. A better way. At least when she grew up and shacked up with someone, when she walked out to breakfast one morning and got a box wrapped in colorful paper shoved under her nose, she wouldn’t screw it up by asking, What the fuck is this?
    I mean, I hadn’t remembered it was my birthday. Why would I? Cam had, though, because, well, that was Cam through and through, wasn’t it?
    “What?” he asked in a quiet voice.
    “Nothing.” I couldn’t stop my smile, though.
    He raised his eyebrows.
    “Just wondering how I got so lucky,” I admitted.
    “You haven’t yet,” Cam said. “But play your cards right, and who knows?”
    I shot a look at Lucy, but she was dozing against the window. “You’ve got a dirty mind, Cam.”
    “You’re a bad influence on me.”
    Yeah. Pretty sure that was the general consensus.
    I showed him my middle finger, and he just grinned.
    I shook Lucy awake as we got to our station. She was clumsy and drowsy with sleep. Cam and I held a hand each until we’d crossed the pedestrian overpass and taken