Cyrus Read Free Page A

you count Tony,
but he loved me so he had to be nice. It was quiet in the car as he
drove me back to my apartment. I wanted to go back to his place but
he said it was too much of a temptation, and would ruin
everything we had been working at for the past year.
    I met Tony a year ago when I aged out of the
system. I liked the family I was living with back then, the first
since my parent’s death. They would have kept me, but because of my
age there would be no social services received on my behalf. There
was no way to attach a label to a girl like me. I even tried to
fail a few of the tests but really… when I had nothing else but one
suitcase, two pair of socks, three pair of pajamas, four outfits,
and luckily five pairs of underwear the only thing I had that I
would never lose was what I learned in school and the after school
program at the YMCA. I no longer had a problem leaving behind
Christmas and birthday gifts, like I did when I left my first
placement. The Maitline’s had tried, and I appreciated it. I knew
they needed the room for the new kid that was coming. I wanted to
mention that I was perfectly willing to stay on the couch, like I
had been for the past six months… but I knew Johnny would be placed
there soon enough. He was going to be eighteen in a year and they
would have to replace him soon, too.
    I still respected them even though Tony said
they were scum for doing that to me. What he didn’t understand then
was that their home was the first home that I lived at since I was
five that I actually slept at night without fear that someone would
hurt me.
    He knew that now. That’s why I think he
loves me, because I’m special . I’m his and lucky to be. When
we met I was living in a basement of a rundown building in Harlem.
He and a bunch of guys were trying to find a place to sleep as
well. He told me later that they weren’t really his friends and
that the cops were looking for them for selling drugs. He was the
cutest, strongest, and nicest one. He was protective over me. He
held me that first night. He asked me questions about me and
listened. I told him what I could that night. The next day when I
woke up they were all gone and I thought he was either a dream or
an angel. When I walked out of the building with my bag, I had left
my suitcase for Johnny, he was outside leaning on a car holding a
McDonalds bag.
    He fed me that morning and that night, and I
told him everything else: about my parents, all about the homes I
had been in, and everything that had happened to me. We slept in
the car that night. When we woke up, he drove me to the Y and told
me he would be back when he could. He was going to try to find work
and a place for us. For us .
    He and a few friends showed up a week later
at the place in Harlem. He had a bag full of food and I ate until I
threw up. His friends laughed at me and he told them to get the
fuck out . Tony had found a motel that rented by the week and
had enough to pay for a month’s rent, he took care of me. It only
took a few days before I could eat without throwing up and felt
well again.
    I went to the Y while he worked and I
actually got my first paying job. I worked twelve hours cleaning
the shower rooms. I was given access to use the facilities so I
watched the gymnastics classes and a few dance classes. When the
gym was open I practiced, just like I did in the after school
programs.
    Tony was happy when I showed him my first
paycheck. . I made enough money to pay for us to have cable and
food, even a few extra dollars for a new outfit. Tony was so happy
when I gave him a new shirt. That was the first time he kissed
me.
    I don’t know how to explain how it made me
feel, because I’m still not sure. But I know when his hands went up
my tee shirt and he caressed my breast it felt very good. I trusted
him. He laid on the bed and patted the spot next to me and asked me
to lay down. He flipped on the TV and pulled me into his arms he
took my hand and set it on