Cracked Up to Be Read Free Page A

reaching into her book bag, finding her wallet and pulling out a few crisp bills.
    “Thanks,” I tell her as she hands them to me. “I hope your essay turns up.”
    She looks touched, like I mean it.
    “I do, too. You know, Tori quit the squad. There’s a position available.”
    I snort. “Like I’d ever let you captain me.”
    Her mouth drops open, but I don’t give her the chance to say anything back. I walk away, get my things out of my locker and head home. I’m tired of being around people my age, so I skip the bus, make the short walk to the city’s main street and hail a cab.
    I can afford it now.

two

    “V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!
    “HIT ’EM LOW AND HIT ’EM HIGH!
    “V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!
    “LET’S GO, JACKALS! WIN OR DIE!
    “V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!”
    Grey says I’m not allowed to spend lunch period in the nurse’s office anymore because no one will take me seriously should the time ever come that I actually can’t breathe, so I go to the gym and sit in on cheerleading practice instead. It’s a pretty low-key affair. The squad takes up the far side of the court and Chris, his buddies and his new puppy, Jake, play a game of twenty-one on the opposite end.
    It’s sort of like old times except I’m not on top of the pyramid anymore. It was a relief for everyone the day I quit the squad. Jessie had been gone for a while. On a number of occasions I’d miscalculated how many shots of vodka you could down without going to class completely wasted, and anyway, I hadn’t been showing up for practice for ages, and seeing as I was captain and everything . . .
    Becky made herself cry so it looked like she actually cared about my well-being, like she was only taking over captaining duties super reluctantly, but because her mascara wasn’t waterproof she wound up looking so ridiculous I laughed in her face in front of the whole squad. What was supposed to be a superficially touching moment for the girls and me didn’t end very well.
    In fact, they hate me now.
    I broke up with Chris pretty shortly after that.
    “V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!”
    Chris emerges champion of twenty-one and the boys start an impromptu mini-game, except for Jake, who doesn’t know I know he’s been watching me every chance he gets, these “subtle” glances out the corners of his eyes. He casually removes himself from the game and makes his way up the bleachers. Our impending encounter has already left me exhausted, but at least I look better today than I did Monday. Dress shoes on feet (they were under the bed), clean skirt and shirt. My hair’s brushed and in a tight ponytail at the back of my head. I slept well last night.
    He sits down beside me. “We got off on the wrong foot.”
    “Did we?” I inhale. “Ew. I hope you’re going to shower before class.”
    “Or maybe there is no right foot with you.”
    Silence. Jake shifts, laughs nervously and runs a hand through his hair. People always get uncomfortable when I decide to shut up. You’d think it’d be the opposite, but no.
    After a couple of minutes, he bravely soldiers on:
    “Chris told me I had better things to do than talk to you, but I kind of wanted to do it anyway.”
    Oh, Chris. I owe him a thousand apologies, but I don’t have the time and he doesn’t want to hear them. Also, I’m not sorry.
    “He said that because he’s not over me,” I explain.
    “Oh.” Jake nods. After a beat, his eyes get comically wide. “Oh.”
    “Yeah.”
    I stand and stretch and he does the same, shifting some more. I focus my attention on the cheerleaders. Becky is in her element now that she’s captain. She wants to coach professionally someday and the reality is she could do far worse and not much better. She shouts the girls into a ragged formation. We’re not going to win any awards this year. I’m gone, Tori’s gone and Jessie won’t be back for who knows how long.
    “Anyway,” Jake says. I turn back to him. “I just wanted to start over on a good note, that’s all.”
    I have to put