Closely Guarded Secret Read Free Page A

a relaxing bath, then sleep. The sooner tomorrow is over with the better.

CHAPTER 2
     
     
    I hate flying. I know it’s going to be a long flight and I wanted to be comfortable rather than crammed in like a sardine, so I used my miles to upgrade to first class. With the magazine’s success, more travel will be required. Maybe I’ll have an assistant by then and he can do a few of those trips. A girl can always dream.
     
    The first class lounge for United is nicer than I remember. I’ve only been in here one other time a couple of years ago on a trip to the Big Island of Hawaii where I did a swimsuit photo shoot at Mauna Kea. At 5’9” I’m as tall as a lot of the models, and with skating, tae kwon do and yoga, my body is just as toned as theirs, but being in the company of all those beautiful women, I paled in comparison. I wish I had the confidence to wear a bathing suit, but I’d be too exposed to questioning eyes.
     
    As the plane turns and stops on the runway, I get a familiar sinking feeling in my stomach. Grabbing the armrest with my Kung Fu grip, I hold on for dear life. After we get to cruising altitude and I’m calm, I pull out my phone and earbuds and let the music guide me into a hopefully sweet slumber. There’s nothing like a little Depeche Mode to calm my nerves. As much as I loathe flying, I’m amazed I can sleep on planes. Lucky for me, I don’t dream. I haven’t had a dream in years.
     
    The flight attendant’s touch on my shoulder wakes me. “Turn off your phone.” We’re making our descent into Houston.” It takes a moment to collect my thoughts. Houston? Oh my god. A shiver shakes my body. Sweat beads on my upper lip. Hair stands up on my arms and the nape of my neck. Is that blood or ice water pumping through my veins?
     
    Cold as I am, sweat covers my palms, as my breathing increases and my pulse throbs in my throat. I feel my heart is going to jump right out of my chest and into the aisle and I’ll have no choice but to watch it lying there, pounding away in double time. The clang of tray tables, the shuffle of papers, the roar of the engines, the whispered conversations overwhelm me - all magnified a thousand times. I feel my eardrums will burst and my stomach knots. Is the hot blade of a knife tearing at the worst scars on my abdomen? My throat’s dry, too dry. My mouth’s also parched. I try to swallow, but I can’t. My knuckles turn white from my grip on the armrest. I feel the blood drain from my face. Memories of that terrible day come flooding back like a slow motion slide show. My eyes close as I try to think of something else.
     
    It’s been ten years since I left Texas. I vowed never to return.

CHAPTER 3
     
     
    F ast as my legs will carry me, I hurry up the jet way. Since I’m nauseated and light headed, I hope I don’t pass out, throw up or both. I’m shaking but I think it’s coming from the inside out but I’m not sure. My thoughts are scattered and my fear has peaked. I try to move around and past the other departing passengers.
     
    Get a grip. You can handle this. You’re in the airport. It’s only for an hour and then you’ll be back in the air. I quietly chant to myself over and over. “You can do this.”
     
    Rushing to the bathroom stall, I hover over the toilet thinking I’m going to throw up, but thankfully I don’t. After taking a few minutes to compose myself, I make my way to the sink. With trembling hands, I splash cold water on my face several times, ignoring the looks from the other travelers, and try to get my heart rate under control.
     
    Inhale a deep breath then exhale slowly. I repeat my breathing exercises to myself several times. I recognize the seventeen-year old girl staring at me in the mirror. She’s alone and scared and there’s an overwhelming hopelessness etched into her features. I splash water on my face several more times.
     
    You’re not that girl anymore, Ali.
     
    After what seems like an eternity, I make my