Christmas With Nathan Read Free Page A

Stella. I’m sorry if I didn’t make it clear enough why I was holding back,’ he murmured, taking my hand and giving it a firm squeeze.
    Drawing in a deep breath, Nathan placed a kiss on the top of my head and adjusted his position on the sofa so he was sat sideways facing me and could look directly into my eyes. Chewing on his lip as he studied me, it briefly crossed my mind to question why it was OK for him to chew his lip but not me, but I refrained from asking, the serious expression on his face enough to silence me.
    ‘I can see why you might take our lack of sex as a snub, but I’m trying really hard to do what’s best for you, Stella. Your body went through a hell of a lot giving birth to William. I don’t want to hurt you.’
    His words were so sweet, his concern deeply touching, but I needed him to understand that I was OK. ‘You won’t hurt me, Nathan. I know my own body and I’m fine now, I promise. Even my gynaecologist said I’d made one the quickest recoveries she’s ever seen.’
    He raised a hand, first raking it through his hair in agitation before lowering it and cupping my jaw gently, his thumb swirling over my cheek as I leant into his soft touch. ‘Seeing you in labour was really fucking hard for me, Stella … really fucking hard .’ His admission came out on a wheeze and my heart clenched. He had never told me this before. I knew he’d had a bit of a panic attack the day I gave birth to Will, but at the time I’d assumed it was over being a father, not my wellbeing.
    ‘You were deathly pale, and in such pain, and there was so much blood …’ A huge, tortured sigh escaped his chest and I saw the remnants of fear cloud his eyes. ‘It was horrible. All I could think was that it was my fault you were there. I felt so helpless and I swore to myself there and then that I would take better care of you. I … I guess that’s what I’m trying to do now, I don’t know how else to make sure you’re really OK apart from holding myself back.’
    Wow. Nathan had softened a lot since he’d found out I was pregnant, and gotten far better at opening up about his feelings, but the look of raw anguish on his face made it screamingly obvious how much he cared about me. How much he truly loved me.
    ‘For the record, regardless of the discomfort of labour, I never regret having Will, and I certainly wouldn’t blame you for putting me there. It takes two to make a baby, Nathan,’ I reminded him with a smile.
    I couldn’t believe I’d thought for even a second that he might be cheating on me, and seeing his face now – scrunched up with his memories of my pain – I felt immediately guilty at my lapse of faith. ‘I wasn’t thinking straight. I know you wouldn’t cheat on me. I’m so sorry, Nathan.’ Trying to lighten the mood, I gave him a cheeky smile and small shrug. ‘Blame it on me being horny. I just assumed that because I was gagging for it, you must be too.’
    Finally, I saw his expression clear and lighten as he sat up straighter and gave me a wicked look that sent a shiver of desire shooting straight to my groin. ‘Oh, believe me, I’ve been gagging for it. I’ve had to hold myself back from taking you ever since I brought you home from the hospital.’ That admission pleased me greatly, enhancing my self-confidence no end and causing me to grin at him as I watched his cheeks flush. Cocking my head, I tried to work out his odd expression – it wasn’t quite guilt, but there was certainly some embarrassment evident, and there was even a mild flush to his cheeks. ‘I may have resorted to an occasional wank in the shower,’ he finally confessed, looking mortified to be admitting to pleasuring himself.
    Throwing my head back, I laughed hard before lowering my gaze and meeting his embarrassed look with one of my own. ‘You’re not the only one. I might have scratched my itch a few times too,’ I admitted, enjoying the startled expression that jumped to his face.
    ‘Christ,