Charlie Joe Jackson's Guide to Planet Girl Read Free Page A

we hang out—it’s less like I’m her boyfriend and more like I’m her pet.”

    Pets! I immediately thought of Moose and Coco (my dogs) and how cute they were. But then I realized that they had nothing to do with this conversation.
    â€œDude,” I said, trying to sound as California cool as possible. “That sounds like a major bummer.”
    â€œYou know it, dude,” Emory said. He sounded way more California cool than me, which made sense, since he was actually from California. “I just wish I knew how to talk to her about it. Saying stuff to girls can be such a nightmare.”
    Hey, wait a second.
    â€œI know a thing or two about girls,” I said. “Maybe I can help you out.”
    Emory looked confused. “Huh?”
    â€œHold on a second, I need to check something.”
    I turned my back on Emory, fished the book out of my backpack, flipped around until I found the page I was looking for, quickly scanned two paragraphs, then closed the book and put it back in my pack. All in about eighteen seconds.
    â€œDude, what was that about?” Emory asked.
    â€œOh, nothing.” Then, totally casually, I added, “You know, uh, maybe you should try just, like, talking directly to her. Sometimes it’s good to be direct with girls, even if it’s a hard subject.” I closed my eyes, trying to remember the rest. “And when you’re saying something they don’t want to hear, say it really calmly and quietly. That way, because you’re being so low-key about it, she’ll get defensive and start a fight.”
    Emory looked confused. “Huh?”
    Oooops.
    â€œI mean, won’t get defensive and start a fight.”
    â€œHmm,” Emory said.
    â€œIt’s true,” I said. “Remember—it’s more important to whisper wisdom than it is to shout nonsense.”
    Emory sat back in his chair and scratched his head for a while. Finally, he nodded.
    â€œDude, you are one smart dude,” he said.
    â€œThanks, dude,” I said.
    Emory fist-bumped me, California style, and walked away. On his way out, he passed another kid and said, “Hey, that Charlie Joe is one smart dude.”
    I smiled.
    Okay fine , I said to myself.
    Maybe I’ll read the rest of the book after all.
    Â 
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    A Communication Guide for Boys and Girls
    21
    Spend as much time asking questions as you do answering them.
    *   *   *
    It is natural to be more interested in yourself than in anyone else. But you must always make an effort to pay attention to the person you’re talking to. Be curious about his or her life, ask questions about his or her daily activities, and show a real interest in his or her answers.
    Remember, you are having a CONVERSATION, not a MONOLOGUE.
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    5
    At lunch, I had my second customer.
    Big Phil Manning.
    â€œHey, Phil,” I said, as he lumbered up to me. Phil was the strongest kid in our grade. He was voted “Most likely to become a mixed martial arts champion” in our yearbook. And the crazy thing was, he was going out with Celia Barbarossa, the fragile flute player who looked like she would lose a fight with a flower. But they’d happily been boyfriend and girlfriend for over two years, and we all assumed that we’d be going to their wedding some day.
    Which is why I almost spit out a fish stick when Phil said, “I got girl trouble.”
    â€œWait, what?”
    â€œYou heard me,” Phil said. When he plopped down next to me with a THUNK! I could swear I felt the entire cafeteria shift just a little bit. “Girl trouble.”
    â€œWhat kind of girl trouble?”
    â€œIt’s a long story. But Emory said you were the guy to talk to.”
    I scanned the room looking for Emory, but he was nowhere to be found. I didn’t know whether to be mad or grateful. Sure, it was nice to be known as an expert on romance. But what if I gave Phil bad advice?