Butterfield Institute - 01 - The Halo Effect Read Free Page B

She was authentic. And that went far with me. But mostly it was because I—Morgan Snow, not the doctor part but the woman part—identified with her. It was partly the similarities in our professions and partly that I, also, had to work hard at not trying to please the people in my own life too much.
    Identification with a patient is a healthy, normal part of therapy. In fact it helps us to get deeper insight into the men and women we are treating. But it is important to be aware of this identification so that we don’t lose our objectivity.
    “Why don’t you think you can be in love, Cleo?”
    “That’s not what I said.”
    “Isn’t it?”
    “You are too clever.” She gave me a smile, along with the compliment.
    This woman was seductive in the most delightful way. Her charm was like a song that made you happy and, just for a littlewhile, while you were listening, enabled you to stop worrying about everything else.
    And if I reacted to her that way—me, her therapist—then I could just imagine how the men she met reacted.
    “You do ask good questions,” she said, trying to get me off the track.
    I nodded. Waited. Knew she had more to say.
    “The man I am in love with thinks I might be in danger.” A slight frown creased her forehead.
    This was not what I had expected. “Why?”
    Outside a cloud passed in front of the sun and the office was cast into shadow. Just for one second. But in that second, Cleo looked frightened. And even younger. And vulnerable.
    How could this woman, who ran a successful twenty-firstcentury brothel, who teased and tortured and pleasured men to the tune of two thousand dollars a session, look so innocent and vulnerable?
    “Cleo?”
    “Yes?” She had been so deep in thought she couldn’t remember what I had asked her.
    “You said that this man thinks that you might be in danger. Have you been threatened?”
    “No. Nothing has happened, not yet. But he’s afraid of what will happen when word gets out about the book.”
    “Has the deal been announced?”
    She shook her head but didn’t say anything. The clock on my desk ticked, making a slight but distinct sound as each second passed. We were running out of time, but I didn’t want her to leave before she answered me.
    “I really am in love,” she said.
    “You say that as if you have to convince me of your feelings.”
    “Maybe…maybe I have to convince myself.”
    “Why?”
    “Because how can I love someone but not be able to make love to him?”
    “And you can’t?” This was an important revelation, and I watched her carefully as she composed herself and then answered.
    She shook her head. Once. Twice. And then a third time. Finally she began to speak. “No. No matter how hard I try. I can’t do the simplest things with him. How can I feel the way I do about him and not be able to go down on him without gagging? He puts one hand on my breast and I freeze. He kisses me and I get sick to my stomach. You know, even though I’m getting paid to do it, I still like sex. Always have. It’s what I do. How can I not be able to do it with the one guy who really matters to me?”
    Her tears caught in the reflection of the sun in her eyes. Cleo even cried in a lovely way: her eyes didn’t get red; she didn’t scrunch up her face. Her lips quivered and a small sob escaped from her lips. “I’m really confused.”
    She had just told me more about herself in the past fifteen minutes than she had in all the days and weeks that she had been coming to see me. I nodded. “I know.”
    “Do you think this is what I’m really here to talk to you about? Not how I want to please people. Not the book, but what is wrong between this man and me.” She shook her head vehemently. “Is that what happens in therapy? People come to you for one thing and find out something completely different is bothering them?”
    “It might look like that, but everything is connected in some way. However, figuring that out isn’t your job right