Buddhist Boot Camp Read Free Page B

opportunity to actually practice what we learn (from non-violent communication to meditation, listening, mirroring, authenticity, resolve, radical honesty, appreciation, purpose, equality, celebration and mutuality).
    Healthy relationships are a collaboration of sorts: two peaceful warriors spiritually supporting one another on their individual journeys to spread positivity and light.
    May we all close the gap between what we believe and how we act in the world.
    Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction. —Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

My Wedding Day
    I got married at the Palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco on September 9th, 1999. I was young, in love, and under the impression that if you “seal the deal” when everything is great, then you don’t end up in a marriage like my parents’ (described by them as “unhappily ever after”), but rather remain youthful, elated, passionate, and optimistic “for as long as you both shall live.” Did I mention I was young and in love?
    At the time, neither one of us had any role models for what a healthy relationship looked like, but we had more than enough reasons to be skeptical that any marriage could actually last. (I was a paralegal at a family law firm when we met, and the divorce rate in California was about 75 percent back then.)
    We decided not to include “’til death do us part” in our vows. Instead, we said we’d remain married “so long as we both want to stay in this.” Our love was unconditional, you see, but our staying together was conditioned upon happiness and willingness to continue. We were in love, but we were very logical about it.
    So we got married under that beautiful dome in front of three hundred friends and relatives, and I still have wonderful memories from that incredible night of 9/9/99. The number nine, as it turns out, didn’t mean “longevity” after all, at least not for us.
    Even though we were together for a couple of years before getting married, we had very different expectations and assumptions about what “marriage” actually meant. This difference in opinion ultimately led to a mutual and civil agreement to separate; an agreement that was reached during a couples therapy session just a few months after the big day. We remained best friends for a handful of years after the breakup, but then the universe took us in completely different directions, and we lost touch.
    I spent years trying to reproduce the positive aspects of that relationship with others, and then a few more years practicing celibacy while studying psychology and religion at the same time. I wanted to understand what people believe, and why they believe what they do.
    When I heard about an old man who introduced the woman he was with as the woman who walks beside him, I finally understood what Antoine D. meant when he wrote, “Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
    It was clear that I had to redefine what the word “relationship” meant to me, and that two people can actually help one another stay on track instead of lose focus.
    I call it a REALationship.
    What comes, let it come. What stays, let it stay. What goes, let it go. —Papaji

Feelings vs. Emotions
    A friend called me crying one day because her boyfriend had left her for another woman. I couldn’t understand why she was devastated. “You want to be with a guy who loves you as much as you love him, right? Someone who would never do this to you, correct? And this guy obviously doesn’t fit those criteria, so why are you sad?” It made no sense. At least not to me.
    It was clear, right there and then, that my view on emotions is very different from other people’s. I view emotions as the potholes on an otherwise smooth path toward euphoria, while my friends celebrate (yet complain about) the ups and downs of their emotional roller coasters. I’m not a mean, cold-hearted