Breaking Dawn Read Free Page A

the dark, I curse at him as he fumbles for the light switch.
    ‘Talk to me, Dawn.’
    The room is tiny and cluttered with boxes and cleaning supplies. There’s hardly any room to negotiate an escape and Brian is blocking the door. Irritated, I drop my books down onto a box and glare at him.
    ‘What do you want me to say?’
    He looks at me and runs his fingers through his hair. ‘Do you blame me? Is that it?’
    I shake my head. I don’t want to respond to his question. I don’t want to talk about any of it. I’m not ready.
    ‘Then what? Look, I know my friends were assholes… none of this should have happened.’
    He gestures with his hands as hespeaks. ‘I’m sorry for what happened; but I still want to be with you Dawn.’
    ‘
I
don’t even want to be with me.’ That seems to come out before I can stop it. But it is true.
    Brian is making a visible effort to calm down. Then he steps towards me to take my hands in his.
    ‘We both made mistakes, but it wasn’t my finger that pulled the trigger and it wasn’t yours either. We can’t rectify this no matter how much we want to – we can only move on.’
    I look up into his pleading eyes and think how bizarre this is; that the one person I’ve dreamed of being with since first grade is now begging me to be with him. And I don’t want him.
    The butterflies in the stomach, the tingling from his touch, are gone. All gone. I feel nothing for him. Not anger, not resentment, not pity. Nothing.
    ‘I just can’t do this any more.’ My voice is weak.
    ‘Do what? Date me?’
    Brian, please! I don’t want to elaborate. I don’t want to talk about it. All I want to do is get out of this cupboard and away from you! What can I say that would satisfy you enough to let me go?
    Instead I say, ‘I just need more time. I need to sort this out on my own.’
    Appearing resigned, he sighs. ‘I’m here for you.’
    ‘I know, Brian. I just need some time alone, that’s all.’
    But in my head I’m thinking, ‘I just want you to leave me alone.’
    He bends down to scoop up my books and hand them to me. I force out a reassuring smile as I take them and he steps aside and opens the door. Once I am free and clear ofthe cupboard, I walk quickly away without looking back. Further down the hall I duck into the girls’ room as the late bell rings, and go into a cubicle, locking the door. I sit down on the cold porcelain, balancing myself near the edge so I won’t get wet. I drop my books onto the floor and cross my arms over my aching stomach, rocking slowly back and forth.
    Back and forth.
    It is quiet.
    I am alone.
    My mind is prompting me against my will as it tries to retrieve memories I don’t want to remember. Memories that keep coming, like worms squirming and wriggling their way into my brain. I am remembering against my will. I am fighting the worms in my head. I know it would be so much easier if I just gave in and let the memories run their course, then it would be done and over with.
    I feel like I am in a nightmare and I can’t wake up. If only I could wake up, I would have my best friend and my handsome boyfriend. I would be happy. I would be feeling butterflies and chills. I can’t remember what they feel like. I want to remember. Would it make a difference if I could remember?

CHAPTER 2
    I’m thinking back. The night of the Christmas dance was the best night of my life. Perry and me were upstairs in my room, adding the finishing touches to my hair. Brian was down in the foyer waiting for me.
    Perry is a great hairstylist. He would even style Mom’s hair every now and then. Perry was wearing Dad’s old tux and although it was a little too big, Perry looked like a perfect gentleman. I donned a yellow satin strapless dress I bought through the Macy’s catalogue and Perry said I looked just like a Disney princess. And for the first time in my life, I felt like a princess…
    ‘I envy you,’ Perry says as he sprinkles small yellow flowers throughout my