Blue Moon Read Free Page B

it’s much better for her to believe this than to suspect the real truth.
    Ever since I got expelled, Sabine’s been watching me closer than ever, and when she recently loaded up on a stack of self-help books, everything from:
How to Raise a Sane Teen in Insane Times Like These,
to:
Your Teen and the Media (And What You Can Do About it!),
it’s gotten a gazillion times worse. With her underlining and highlighting all of the most disturbing adolescent behaviors, and then scrutinizing me, checking for symptoms.
    â€œBut I want you to know that you’re a beautiful girl, far more beautiful than I ever was at your age, and that starving yourself to compete with all of those skinny celebrities who spend half their lives checking in and out of rehab is not only a completely unreasonable and unattainable goal, but will only end up making yousick.” She gives me a pointed look, desperately wanting to get through to me, hoping her words will penetrate. “I want you to know that you’re perfect just as you are, and it pains me to see you going through this. And if this is about Damen, well then, all I have to say about that is—”
    â€œI’m not anorexic.”
    She looks at me.
    â€œI’m not bulimic, I’m not on some crazy fad diet, I’m not starving myself, I’m not striving to be a size zero, and I’m not trying to look like an Olsen twin. Seriously, Sabine, do I
look
like I’m wasting away?” I stand, allowing for an unobstructed view of me in all of my tight-jeaned glory, because if anything, I feel like the opposite of wasting away. I seem to be bulking up at a pretty good pace.
    She looks me over. And I mean
really
looks me over. Starting from the top of my head and going all the way down to my toes, her eyes coming to rest on my pale exposed ankles I had no choice but to display when I discovered that my favorite jeans are too short and rolled them up to compensate.
    â€œI just thought . . .” She shrugs, unsure of what to say now that the evidence presented before her so clearly points to a
not guilty
verdict. “Because I never see you eating anymore—and you’re always sipping that red—”
    â€œSo you just assumed I’d gone from adolescent binge drinker to anorexic food avoider?” I laugh so she’ll know I’m not mad—a little annoyed maybe, though more with myself than with her. I should’ve faked it better. I should’ve at least
pretended
to eat. “You have nothing to worry about.” I smile. “Really. And just so we’re clear, I have no intention of taking and/or dealing drugs, experimenting with body modification, cutting, branding, scarification, extreme piercing, or whatever else makes this week’s
Top Ten Mal-adjusted Behaviors to Look for in Your Teen
list. And for the record, my sipping that red drink has nothing to do with trying to be celebrityskinny or trying to please Damen. I just happen to like it, that’s all. Besides, I happen to know for a fact that Damen loves me and accepts me exactly as I—” I stop, knowing I’ve just started a whole other topic I’m unwilling to explore. And before she can even get to the words now formulating in her head, I just hold up my hand and say, “And
no
, that’s
not
what I meant. Damen and I are—”
Hooking up, dating, boyfriend and girlfriend, friends with benefits, eternally bound.
“Well, we’re together. You know, committed, like a couple. But we
aren’t
sleeping together.”
    Yet.
    She looks at me, her face as pinched and uncomfortable as I feel inside. Neither of us wanting to explore this topic, but, unlike me, she feels it’s her duty.
    â€œEver, I wasn’t insinuating—” she starts. But then she looks at me, and I look at her, and she shrugs, deciding to just let it go since we both know she most certainly was.
    And I’m so relieved that it’s over