Black & Ugly as Ever Read Free Page A

was Swaga-Licious ! I was killing them with the black pants, and velvet red shirt.
    I was in there five seconds when I saw Miss Parade and Miss Daffany sitting a few feet over from the entrance. I was walking in their direction when I heard, “Welcome to Cactus Willies,” a cute little white girl smiled from behind the counter. “How can I help you?” She continued, staring at my family jewels.
    Clearing my throat I said, “Excuse me, sweetheart, my face is up here.”
“Oh…I’m sorry, sir,” she apologized, stealing one last look. “What can I do for you?” Her face was beet red with embarrassment.
“I’m meetin’ some friends here and I see them over there.” I responded, flashing one last smile at her. “So there’s no need to trouble yourself with me, I’ll just be a second.” I gently placed my hand over hers before removing it slowly.
As I walked toward the table again she yelled, “You still have to pay, sir!”
I stopped dead in my tracks, turned around and said, “Maybe you didn’t hear me, precious,” I frowned, clutching the collar on my blouse due to her rude outburst. “They’re right over there and I’m not going to eat. You can sit with me if you don’t believe me, darling. As you can see,” I continued, rubbing my hand over my legs and stomach. “One meal and these black stretch Lycra pants are liable to split and drop to the floor.”
I giggled.
She didn’t.
“I understand, sir,” she explained. “But I can’t let you in without paying. I’ll get in trouble.”
To shoosh this little girl I grabbed twenty dollars out of my red hobo style purse slammed it on the counter and switched my tiny ass toward the table.
Once there I said, “This betta be good, girl.” I advised, after being humiliated by Raggedy Ann. I sat in the seat, crossed my legs and waited anxiously for the T (talk). “What’s the deal?”
“As you both know, I’m getting married.” She said, carefully looking at Daffany and then back at me. “But what you don’t know is who I’m marrying.”
There was twenty seconds of uncomfortable silence.
“Go ‘head, chile,” I interjected, no longer able to contain my composure. “What’s his name? Where’s he from? And how big is his dick?”
“I’m gonna tell you,” she said softly, slightly uncomfortable. She grabbed the cup filled with ice water off the table, drank it while looking at us from the bottom of the wet glass. When it was all gone she said, “This is hard for me.”
“Parade,” Daffany said, stroking her hand before gripping it lovingly. “We’re your friends. With everything we have going on in our own lives we would be crazy for judging you. Just keep it real with us and tell us what you’ve been hiding. Is it a girl?”
“No!” she laughed. “You know I’m on dick too hard,” she continued. “But it’s like this,” she said, smiling gingerly, moving in closer, “Sky killed my new fiancé’s wife.”
“Sky killed your new fiancé’s wife? What?” Miss Daffany said, looking at me and then at Parade for clarification. “I’m confused.”
You don’t understand. Sky was our best friend. We grew up together and just recently she was murdered viciously. So the fact that she was saying she was marrying Sky’s killer was a hot ass mess and didn’t make much sense.
“I’m marrying the man that had Sky murdered.”
Silence .
“Come again.” I raised my right brow. “Because I know I didn’t hear what I think I heard. On second thought,” I advised pushing my chair back a few inches to stand up. “Hold that thought. I have to get something to eat first.” Nothing does a brain better than some carbs, and after what I just heard, I’m gonna need two plates full.
After excusing myself, I loaded my plate with fried chicken, mac and cheese, greens, fried shrimp, banana pudding, honey buttered rolls, and then I grabbed a diet coke to watch my calories. I know I said I wasn’t gonna eat but I say a lot of shit I don’t