Black Chalk Read Free Page A

glistening on her forehead. She was a nice woman, I decided. ‘Are you cold?’ she asked. I was a little cold – she took off her jacket and laid it over me. She told me to stay in the position I was already in. I was doing just the right thing. ‘I’m a natural,’ I told her. She smiled and helped me get more comfortable. ‘Is this your blood?’ she asked. I explained to her that I didn’t know, but I thought a lot of it was Jeffrey’s, and a little was Anna’s. She wedged a toppled chair between my toes and another table. I hadn’t noticed how tense my legs were until I was able to relax them. She asked me what had happened. Such an innocent question, I thought; she didn’t need to look guilty. ‘Eric,’ I started and stopped. She seemed to understand.
    I asked her why she was helping me when so many others were worse off. ‘I’m staying with you until we can take you to a hospital,’ she said. I told her she should take care of the others, I was fine. She gave me a tight-lipped smile and said the others were being taken care of. I looked around: there were about ten people in the room, all paramedics except for two people in plain clothes with a bolt cutter having a go at the chain. I recognised the groundsman and an old maths teacher. Their names stuck on the tip of my tongue. A man was by Anna’s side, back to back with the woman taking care of me. She told me her name was Liz. Just like my mother. They were about the same age. I couldn’t think of any more similarities.
    I wanted to tell her something. But I couldn’t recall her name. Yes, of course. ‘Liz.’
    â€˜I’m here. I’m still here. You’ll be on your way to hospital in no time. Don’t worry.’
    I told her I wasn’t worried, but I had to tell her something. ‘Yes, I’m listening, don’t worry.’ I explained I wasn’t worried, but I wanted her to tell my parents how much I appreciated what they’d done for me, and that I didn’t want a grave. I thought graves were too grim. If they needed a monument, couldn’t they plant a tree? Liz was nodding along, saying I shouldn’t worry – I wasn’t worried – and that I would be able to tell them myself. I smiled at her and thanked her.
    They put me on a stretcher, stuck a few cushions underneath my knees, and covered me with a blanket. Outside, rain was approaching. A hint of mist was drifting through Hornsbury School but the sun kept on shining. Colours were stronger and warmer for it. The incandescence of the ambulances on the grass, the reflections of policemen’s jackets standing guard, the contrasts in the resurgent crowd. I looked for Anna and saw Grace in an ambulance shutting its doors. Liz was still by my side. ‘Where’s Anna?’ I asked her. They slid my stretcher into the ambulance and she asked me who Anna was. She was already ahead, she then explained. I imagined Anna in an ambulance asking the same questions about me. She’d gone by helicopter, Liz added. Anna would like that, I thought. ‘Where’s Jeffrey?’ I asked. She said he was being taken care of. I asked whether he was in an ambulance. ‘Not yet,’ she answered. I understood what she wasn’t telling me.
    I needed to stay awake, to fight off the great weariness dulling my pain.
    And I wanted to ask where Tom was. And I wanted to know where Mr Johnson was. And Jayvanti Patel, and Laura Clarkson, and Satish Choudary, and Edward Moss, and Paul Cumnor, and Harry Williams. But Harry Williams hadn’t come to class today. And Eric Knight. I had to complete the litany.
    I looked around myself and wondered where I was, wondered why I wasn’t in school. My answers were exotic, my logic capricious, my impressions oneiric. Odd yet normal, twisted yet clear. It had to be a dream, I told myself. But my lacerated stomach wouldn’t let me escape. I