Birth of a Dark Nation Read Free Page B

been?"
    "You still work in the nonprofit sector?
Oh."
    "You need to come visit my spot on U
Street!"
    "Come to our ski trip!"
    "Come to homecoming!"
    Yes, because the first thing of my to do list
would be to spend more time with people who judged my blackness
based on how well I could keep up with them financially, whether my
political beliefs were the same as theirs, and whether I talked
like them.
    To hell with all that. I was going home.
    I made up some excuse about having to feed a
dog that I didn't have and I jetted out of there without having
exchanged a single business card. That was quite alright with
me.
    The bus would get me home just as quick as
the train would, without any transfers, so without hesitation, I
hopped on the northbound Georgia Avenue bus to take me back
uptown.
    The sun had already set and it was pretty
dark by the time I got to Georgia and Kennedy. I couldn't believe I
had wasted so much time at that stupid happy hour. All I wanted to
do now was take off my work clothes, eat some real food, watch
television, and go to sleep.
    The bus let me off at the liquor store and I
walked toward my apartment.
    The street was empty, which was odd for
Kennedy Street at any time of day. Suddenly, the path to my
apartment building felt miles long rather than blocks, and I could
hear a pin drop.
    I looked to my left; nothing. I looked to my
right; still nothing. I quickened my pace.
    There was a rustling in the bushes next to
me. I turned sharply to face them, but saw nothing. I walked
quicker.
    My heart began to race and I coughed. My
mouth was dry. I needed water immediately.
    I heard more rustling and I turned around.
Nobody was there. I ran.
    My hands shook. I reached in my pocket for my
keys.
    Finally, I reached my doorway amid what
sounded like thousands of dry leaves shaking around me. I fumbled
with the key for a second, but finally got it in the door. I ran up
the stairs to the third floor and again fumbled with the locks on
my old, blue metal door.
    I got the door open, slammed it behind me,
locked both locks, and ran to my bathroom. I closed the bathroom
door, locked it, and ran the water in the sink.
    I sat on the toilet lid and tried to catch my
breath. Both of my hands still shook. I grabbed a cup, filled it
with water, and sipped.
    Slowly, I regained control of my nerves.
There was nothing out there that could have harmed me, but I was
deathly afraid, like the world was going to end; like the two
covers of a book were closing in on me and I was trapped in the
middle.
    I'd never had a panic attack before, but
later, when I looked up the symptoms, I convinced myself that's
what had happened.
     

 
June
    We leaned on the edge of the reception desk,
the only two people in the office.
    "Why are we even open on Fridays?" I asked
Steve.
    "Man, I don't know. And why am I the only
case manager here on Fridays?"
    "We suck."
    I had already run every scan known to man on
the server. Everything was fine. The website had been updated from
top to bottom. Ernie was out on another vacation. The office was
quiet.
    "I bet you're gonna have a client try to come
in at 4:30 to get some services," I said nonchalantly to Steve.
    "Fuck you, nigga. I hope you get a virus on
your hard drive."
    I laughed.
    "Where Ernie at this time?" I asked
Steve.
    "Some place in Canada. Like Toronto. Some
shit."
    I shook my head just as the doorbell
rang.
    Steve and I walked to the other side of the
reception desk, where even Lana was gone for the day. It was 4
p.m.
    Steve looked at the black and white image on
the security monitor.
    "Can I help you?" he asked through the
intercom.
    "Yeah, uh… I'm lookin' for dude that work
here. Uh… I don't know his name. He jive brown skin, a li'l
thick."
    Steve was puzzled. "Is he talking about
you?"
    "Let me look at this dude," I said. I went to
the monitor and could tell immediately who it was by his
stance.
    "Oh, that's that dude from the other day.
Buzz him in."
    "The bootleg man?" Steve asked. I