it was things I'd do normally. You have a way of bringing out the wildness in me, and I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that."
"You're talking about the bathroom thing."
"That's part of it, yes."
"It doesn't have to be like that—"
"Chase, stop. If that's the thing you like, then you should be free to do it. I'm just not sure that's the scene I'm into. I tried it, and...I don't know. The sex was great, but being walked in on, being seen? Sex is private to me, I guess. Sex is always great with you. But I need a relationship that's not just sex."
Chase looked hurt. "You think our relationship is just about sex?"
"I think that's a big part of it. I'm intensely attracted to you. Every time I see you I get all quivery inside. You turn me on just by being you. You're out of my league in a major way. I love having sex with you. It's seriously incredible. But there's got to be more. We barely know each other. I'm not sure what we have in common, long term." I had to physically restrain myself from touching him to comfort him, he looked so forlorn. "And I really want long term."
"But I can do long term. I can."
"I'm not doubting that. I'm doubting whether you can do long term with me ."
Chase turned away from me. "I can't win this argument, can I?"
"It's not an argument," I said, softly.
"Then what is it? Me, begging?" He shook his head, then turned back to me, put his hands on my waist above the swell of my hips. "Anna, I love you. I don't know what else I can say or do to convince you. I'll say it once more. Please, be with me."
My throat felt thick. "Chase, I—I don't know. I don't think I can. If I leave Jeff, he'll be heartbroken. I can't do that again."
"What about me? If you turn me down, I'll be heartbroken. Or don't you care about that?"
I tried desperately to pull away from his touch, but I couldn't. "Of course I care, Chase. No matter what I do, someone gets hurt. Please, don't make this harder than it has to be."
Chase's eyes narrowed. "It doesn't have to be hard. Just come with me. Jeff is a big boy. He can deal. Just come with me. I can make you happy. You know I can."
Something in my belly and below it trembled and turned to liquid. The heat in his eyes told me exactly what Chase had in mind when he said he could make me happy. I knew he was right. He could make me happy. My entire body shook with raw, potent desire. For a moment all I could think was how badly I wanted to drag him back to my apartment and rip his clothes off, let him make me happy.
I wrenched myself out of his grip. "No. Not like this."
Chase watched with a tight, pained expression. I got in my car, started it, and backed out. He stopped me with a palm slapping against my window.
I stopped and rolled my window down. "What do you want now, Chase?" Exasperation was rife in my voice.
He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a black box.
Goddamn it . I was starting to hate those little boxes.
"Chase, for god's sake—"
"Just listen, damn it." He reached through the window and put the box, closed, on my lap. "Take it. Think about it. I love you. I'll give up being a rockstar to be with you. I'll stay here. I'll go wherever you want. I'll even sell my bike and drive a minivan if that's what you want. I just want you."
And then he was gone, leaving me trembling and hearing his words.
I managed to make it home before collapsing into sobs. Even in the midst of my confused, heartaching tears, it felt weird to be in my own bed in my apartment. I'd spent so much time over the last few weeks at Jeff's house that my place was starting to feel less and less like home. Jeff was home. I managed to get my bawling under control and lay on my bed, staring at my room. This small space had once been my haven. I'd come here after work, half-drunk and lonely and horny, and I'd read a book or a magazine, or watch TV on the tiny set Jamie had given me on my birthday.
I was comfortable here. I knew where everything was,
"You're talking about the bathroom thing."
"That's part of it, yes."
"It doesn't have to be like that—"
"Chase, stop. If that's the thing you like, then you should be free to do it. I'm just not sure that's the scene I'm into. I tried it, and...I don't know. The sex was great, but being walked in on, being seen? Sex is private to me, I guess. Sex is always great with you. But I need a relationship that's not just sex."
Chase looked hurt. "You think our relationship is just about sex?"
"I think that's a big part of it. I'm intensely attracted to you. Every time I see you I get all quivery inside. You turn me on just by being you. You're out of my league in a major way. I love having sex with you. It's seriously incredible. But there's got to be more. We barely know each other. I'm not sure what we have in common, long term." I had to physically restrain myself from touching him to comfort him, he looked so forlorn. "And I really want long term."
"But I can do long term. I can."
"I'm not doubting that. I'm doubting whether you can do long term with me ."
Chase turned away from me. "I can't win this argument, can I?"
"It's not an argument," I said, softly.
"Then what is it? Me, begging?" He shook his head, then turned back to me, put his hands on my waist above the swell of my hips. "Anna, I love you. I don't know what else I can say or do to convince you. I'll say it once more. Please, be with me."
My throat felt thick. "Chase, I—I don't know. I don't think I can. If I leave Jeff, he'll be heartbroken. I can't do that again."
"What about me? If you turn me down, I'll be heartbroken. Or don't you care about that?"
I tried desperately to pull away from his touch, but I couldn't. "Of course I care, Chase. No matter what I do, someone gets hurt. Please, don't make this harder than it has to be."
Chase's eyes narrowed. "It doesn't have to be hard. Just come with me. Jeff is a big boy. He can deal. Just come with me. I can make you happy. You know I can."
Something in my belly and below it trembled and turned to liquid. The heat in his eyes told me exactly what Chase had in mind when he said he could make me happy. I knew he was right. He could make me happy. My entire body shook with raw, potent desire. For a moment all I could think was how badly I wanted to drag him back to my apartment and rip his clothes off, let him make me happy.
I wrenched myself out of his grip. "No. Not like this."
Chase watched with a tight, pained expression. I got in my car, started it, and backed out. He stopped me with a palm slapping against my window.
I stopped and rolled my window down. "What do you want now, Chase?" Exasperation was rife in my voice.
He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a black box.
Goddamn it . I was starting to hate those little boxes.
"Chase, for god's sake—"
"Just listen, damn it." He reached through the window and put the box, closed, on my lap. "Take it. Think about it. I love you. I'll give up being a rockstar to be with you. I'll stay here. I'll go wherever you want. I'll even sell my bike and drive a minivan if that's what you want. I just want you."
And then he was gone, leaving me trembling and hearing his words.
I managed to make it home before collapsing into sobs. Even in the midst of my confused, heartaching tears, it felt weird to be in my own bed in my apartment. I'd spent so much time over the last few weeks at Jeff's house that my place was starting to feel less and less like home. Jeff was home. I managed to get my bawling under control and lay on my bed, staring at my room. This small space had once been my haven. I'd come here after work, half-drunk and lonely and horny, and I'd read a book or a magazine, or watch TV on the tiny set Jamie had given me on my birthday.
I was comfortable here. I knew where everything was,
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