Balls Read Free Page B

coughed so that his shoulders curled inward.
    Dahl said, If the ultrasound shows that it is cancer, we’ll have to perform an orchiectomy.
    Which means what?
    It means that the testicle would be removed, Henry.
    For good? he cried.
    Yes, for good.
    Henry’s head slumped forward. With a pleading look he asked why the doctor couldn’t just clean the testicle and put it back where he found it.
    No, I’m sorry to say we don’t do that, Henry.
    Why not? he shouted.
    Dahl crossed his arms, and gazing sadly at Henry, he said, Because the testicle is not good anymore.
    Leaning forward between his knees, Henry let out a scream. Dahl got up, offering him water. But Henry said no, he didn’t want to drink anything. He was fine.
    I’m fine, he said. Though he looked like he might faint, and his eyes were closing. So what, you’re saying my testicle is gone— gone for good?
    Ifthe ultrasound shows signs of a cancerous tumor, I’m afraid so, Dahl said. I’m very sorry, Henry. I’m really very sorry.
    Oh— fuck .
    His large hands patting down the air around him, the doctor said, I have to tell you quite often, Henry, Henry quite often, depending on the stage of the cancer, recovery happens at a very, very high rate. Which is good news. You’ll still have your life.
    But why couldn’t I have never been born in the first place? said Henry, to himself. He slapped his hands to the table, standing. I can’t believe it, he said. I knew it was going to be cancer, I did. But to hear you say it, it’s just, it’s—
    Do you need a moment? the doctor asked again.
    No, I’m fine, I’m fine. He returned to his chair. The doctor was speaking, but Henry, collapsing mentally, couldn’t hear him. He interrupted Dahl, blurted out:
    What about sex?
    The doctor said, Henry, in most circumstances the healthy testicle compensates with good results. Likely you’ll still be able to produce sperm and sexually little if any changes will occur. This will all depend on a few specifics, for instance, the stage of the cancer, whether it’s been caught early and can be treated without chemotherapy, as well as a whole list of variables that we shouldn’t get swept up in now. But I’m sure you’ll be able to have many, many , children.
    Many children? said Henry.
    Here, Dahl told him they shouldn’t get too far ahead of themselves. Let’s see what the ultrasound looks like. We’ll set up an appointment for tomorrow morning.
    Henry gave the doctor a strange look with the eyes unfocused and the mouth stretched wide. He said, I have to be at my girlfriend’s graduation at ten. I can’t miss it.
    You might have to.
    Henry told Dahl he’d rather postpone the ultrasound than not be at Paula’s graduation.
    Postpone? Dahl said he was risking his life with every day he waited. I’m sure your girlfriend will understand.
    Can you schedule the ultrasound for early in the morning?
    I could try.
    It’s very important I be there. This is a special time in a person’s life.
    Dahl, nonplussed, said, I’ll see what I can do. I can’t make any promises. But you need to have that ultrasound, Henry.
    I will.
    Tomorrow.
    Tomorrow, Henry assured him.
    So children. Many children. That was the purpose of his testicles—to give life. However, Nature was pulling him out of the pool, giving him a tap on the shoulder, saying, YOU. Not your sperm. Grab a towel and get on the side.
    Henry, stumbling with a half-broken mind from Dahl’s office out onto Park Avenue, knew this had to do with more than just reproduction, though. This, he shuddered, is a matter of life and death.
    Besides, as far as reproduction went, Nature didn’t work that way. Or did She? Did She? But how did Nature work when she worked like this ? And was it Nature that had done this to him, or, was it something else? Something I did in the past to harm myself?
    The rain