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creek alone as a child for fear that I would fall in one of the deeper areas. I was glad that he fear was still intact for the truth was that I just didn’t want to be alone. On the way to the creek I told Sissy what I’d seen Anny and Leon doing. I told her not to say anything to anyone about it and she said that she wouldn’t. I asked if she had a man. She said that she didn’t but that she didn’t really want one yet either.
    “Why not?” I asked.
    “I juss don’t likes the idea of a man bein on top of me swettin like a pig and putting his thang in me like that” Sissy said bluntly.
    After laughing for a minute I replied. “I think it feels good though”
    “You ever had a man inside you?” Sissy asked.
    “No” I said.
    “Then how you know?” Sissy asked.
    “I don’t for sure but a girl I was in school with said that she had done it and that it felt good after you got used to it.” I replied.
    “I’d juss soon not get used to it” Sissy responded. “Did you see Leon’s?”
    “Yeah” I said.
    “What did it look like?” She asked.
    “I thought you’d seen one before” I asked.
    “Only my little brother’s” Sissy replied.
    I held up my hands about eight inches apart. “It was about this long and almost as big around and this narrow part of my writs. It was black except for the tip, which was kind of a purple color.”
    Sissy and I made our way down the creek bank to the sandy peninsula and were both eager to put our feet in the water. We talked most of the afternoon. Mostly about sex stuff. She was the only person that I could really talk to about such things. Most women thought it improper to even discuss the subject, not that there were many women around to talk to anyway. Sissy asked why father had slowed down the number of young men he was inviting to dinners lately. I explained that I wasn’t interested in getting married and that father was supposed to be waiting to bring the better ones around until I was ready.
    “So is you scared of men?” Sissy asked.
    “Not really, in fact I’m really curious about sex especially after seeing Anny and Leon but I don’t want to get married.” I said.
    “You don’t want no man tellin you what to do!” Sissy responded.
    “Yeah, I think that’s it” I replied.
    Sissy had a good point when she said that I didn’t have to be married to have marital relations. The thought hadn’t really occurred to me until she actually spoke the words.
    “But I would be called a whore, and it would be true.” I replied.
    “Who gone know?” Sissy asked.
    “Well, whoever I have those relations with will know” I said.
    “You gots to fine somebody who aint gone tell” Sissy began. “You could fine somebody who nobody would believe too”
    “What do you mean?” I asked.
    “Like missa Roberts” Sissy replied.
    “The blacksmith in town?” I asked.
    “He tell so many tales til aint nobody gone believe what he say” Sissy replied.
    She did have a valid point but of all the men that I might consider, Matthew Roberts wouldn’t be someone who I would think of.
    “For someone who don’t want to have a man inside her, you sure have given this a lot of thought.” I said.
    “It different foe a slave” Sissy replied.
    “How?” I asked
    “Cause you got massa watchin you all da time and you gots other slaves watchin you too. Somebody gone catch a slave.” Sissy said.
    “Unless they were just off somewhere doing what they were told.” I replied. “If you have to choose someone to be with, who would it be?”
    “Oh no miss Becka, I couldn’t do something like dat” Sissy replied.
    “But I could?” I asked.
    “Oh lord I done open my mouth again” Sissy said.
    “So who would you be interested in?” I asked.
    “I guess Henry” Sissy said reluctantly. “He been tryin to court me foe a long time”
    “Henry it is!” I said.
    We sat there in silence for a while.
    “So who you pick?” Sissy asked.
    “I don’t know yet. I don’t know