once, and their barbecue was chained to the back porch after it had been stolen for the second time.
She parked in the lot in front of Safeway, but left the engine running until she had finished the soda. She cut the engine, opened the door, threw the ice from the cup onto the asphalt, and got out. It was Saturday, crowded, and she had to park in the back. She left her sunglasses on, found a stick of gum in her purse, and went inside.
Under the fluorescent lights, she saw them, the people, the kids, the shoppers yelling and running around all talking and in a hurry. A lady on an intercom announced: ‘Fryer breasts on sale for $1.70 a pound. Betty Crocker cake mix on sale for $1.99 a box . . .’
Her anxiety began as soon as she entered, her heart racing, her stomach beginning to knot. The liquor section was across the store, she could see the sign. She took a basket and headed in that direction.
She bought a half a pint of vodka, put the bottle in her purse, and began to walk up and down aisles with her grocery list. Soon she saw a large woman with three kids. One kid was in the cart and the other two were next to the woman. The girl was in the spaghetti section and they were farther down in the soup section walking towards her. Then they stopped next to her and the woman put two boxes of spaghetti into her cart.
As she went down the aisle she watched the woman, her large body waddling, her kids talking and surrounding her. There was a dark stain on the seat of the woman’s sweat pants. Her period, the girl thought to herself. She wanted to tell the woman, let her know. Run up to her and whisper in her ear. Watch her kids and let the woman go to the bathroom. But she just stood there and her nerves began again because of it. The fluorescent lights came back. So did the people. The store was full. The lines were long and slow. A Mexican family was walking up the aisle speaking Spanish. The lady with the dull voice began announcing specials over the intercom again. The girl walked down a few aisles before she set the basket down in front of the bathroom. Hiding herself in a stall she opened the bottle and took a drink.
Chapter 5
Paul Newman
When she got back The Hustler had just begun. Her mother was rubbing BenGay on her legs and smoking a cigarette. Dark blue marks from varicose veins ran up and down her thighs and calves.
‘I’m glad you went to the store,’ she said during a commercial. ‘I couldn’t do it today. I’m beat. Maybe I’m wrong about dealing, maybe you should get a job off your feet. My legs have gone to hell.’
‘I’m already getting them,’ the girl said. She was in the kitchen making the lasagna.
‘You’re too young.’
‘Your legs don’t look that bad.’
‘Ha!’ her mom said as she rubbed her legs.
‘What’s happening now?’ the girl said.
‘I don’t know exactly, just a lot of talking and pool. I haven’t been paying attention. I need one more favor from you, and then I’ll let you be. You mind making a batch of hot water and Epsom salts for my feet? If you do that, I’ll be about perfect. You cooking me dinner, us together watching Paul Newman, and Evelyn coming home soon.’
The girl finished the last layer of the lasagna and put it in the oven. There was a small plastic tub in the garage and she grabbed it, mixed the salts and hot tap water into it, and set it down by her mother’s feet. Then she went back to the kitchen, opened a beer, and watched the TV from there.
‘You still seeing that guy?’
‘You mean Tom?’ her mother asked and lit a cigarette.
‘The tall guy. Black hair. I only saw him once or twice.’
‘That’s Tom. He was still married but I didn’t find that out until later. What a grease ball. I could go into it but I’d rather look at Paul Newman. How about you and Jimmy?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘I only see you here three times a week now. You gonna move in with him?’
‘I don’t know what I’m gonna do.’
‘Jesus,