At Least He's Not On Fire: A Tour of the Things That Escape My Head Read Free Page A

suit opened.
    The new deck, possibly fresh from a printing press in Hell itself came to life in the Devil’s hands. His dagger like fingers split the cards, shuffled them, and did it again. After a multitude of shuffles the Devil sat the deck down again, slowly pushing it to Wally. He tilted his hand, offering the cut to the man.
    With no tremble this time Wally reached out and cut the deck in half. He picked up the second half and placed it on the first. The warmth of the cards was there again, but it didn’t frighten Wally. Wally was positive he had this game in the bag. He was sure of it.
    The Devil’s eyes narrowed as Wally sat back confidently. “Ready Wally? Double or nothing, remember?”
    “Yeah you bet, let’s do this.” Wally waved a dismissive hand at the Devil.
    The Devil made an annoyed face, and sucked on his gleaming white teeth. He raised his long fingers again, and the cards flew to their proper places in front of the two players, man, and evil.
    “All in.” Wally didn’t even glance down at his cards. He looked the Devil in the flaming eyes and put on his stone cold poker expression. No emotion, no thoughts, just confidence.
    “Interesting. I suppose I’ll take that bet. Double or nothing Wally, flip ‘em.” The Devil reached down and flipped over his cards, and Wally did the same.
    In front of the Devil was the ace of spades, and the king of spades, a powerful hand that was nearly unbeatable. Wally nodded in approval and looked down at his own cards. His hand consisted of the seven of clubs, and the two of diamonds.
    “Hahahaha!” The Devil roared in laughter. He spread his arms wide, making clenched fists in triumph. Wally watched the Devil celebrate and had to blink to clear his eyes. He thought for a moment a pair of giant wings had sprouted out of the pinstriped suit. His eyes cleared, he saw he was in error. No wings were there.
    “Come on Nick. I got things to do. Let’s see these cards.” Wally picked at his front teeth with his fingernail, illustrating how unimpressed he was with the Devil’s hand.
    “Oh Wally, you gloated when you won, spare me a little joy over this dramatic turn of events, yes?” The Devil leaned forward, a Cheshire grin spreading on his face.
    Wally ignored the sinister King of Demons. “You haven’t won anything yet. Let’s do this.”
    The Devil’s nose wrinkled, as he barely contained his impulse of fury at the insolence Wally was sending his way now. The Lord of Darkness had little patience for pricks like Wally. However, a deal is a deal, and Old Scratch was pot committed. The Devil tugged at the air, and as if it were connected to an invisible string, the top card flew off the deck, immolating itself. Before the puff of smoke had dissipated into the casino ceiling, the next three cards were flat on the table, revealing the developing hand.
    Wally leaned over the table, clearly not surprised by what had come down. The Devil looked to Wally’s face and saw the lack of alarm. The Devil’s eyes, full of restrained rage, darted down and analyzed the cards.
    The two of clubs, the seven of hearts, and the seven of diamonds appeared. The Devil’s upper lip twitched. His nose wrinkled once more in disgust. The Devil was being betrayed by Lady Luck. Normally she was in his corner.
    “Do you wanna fold? Or do you want to take this all the way out to the bitter end Nick?” Wally asked the Devil in a smarmy tone. The Devil’s eyes shot back up to Wally’s, glowing red like oven coils. Wally recoiled from the heat.
    “This seems… unfair Wallace. At the very least I suspect you may have cheated me. There are grave consequences for cheating the Prince of Darkness you know.” The Devil dragged his fingernails across the felt, ripping rents in the green fabric as easily as tearing tissue.
    “Nah, nope. I’m playing by your rules. Your fault on this. Flip the next two, you’ll see.” Wally pointed a finger at the deck, all the while staring at the