Arranged Love Read Free Page B

turning from bad to worse. Any chance I could win a settlement suing Aishwarya Rai or YouTube for stripping me off my hard-earned scholarship?
    ‘Guess I better work on my thesis topic then!’ I resolved, albeit grudgingly, to take a break from YouTube and focus on work. I needed the moolah to survive the rest of this semester and complete my master’s. Although I had a provisional job offer starting next February, I doubted Lehman Brothers would allow a master’s-incomplete, funds-withdrawn candidate to join their IT division. Of course, no one could have predicted that twenty days later, I would still have the scholarship but not the job.
    All work and no play, freaked my boyfriend Jay, and he put me on a low carbs diet. Other than that, the next three weeks passed without any mishaps. Fortunately, Deepak didn’t report my ‘no-reply’, and Dad continued to believe that Deepak was slowly on his way to becoming my chocolate-cream soldier. Thesis submitted and my self-imposed entertainment ban lifted, I was watching a new episode of
Friends
, when my mobile rang.
    ‘The new guy who joined us last week is so damn cute!’ I heardTanu di’s cheerful voice say. Almost ten years elder to me and still waiting for her soulmate, Tanu di, my
tauji
’s daughter, was my icon for the Woman of Today. However, right now, she was an accomplice of my dad in the husband-hunting crime.
    ‘Fuck him!’ I said reproachfully, least interested in casual boy talk. ‘Five unanswered emails, ten missed calls and fifteen SMSes. Where have you been absconding for the last three weeks?’
    ‘
Balike
,’ she addressed me in a calm, saint-like manner, ‘I was away in the hills, looking for the
sanjeevani booti
to save your love life.’
    ‘You could have saved yourself the trouble if you hadn’t verified that IIT suitor’s credentials to begin with. First you create a bug and then you try to find its solution. I thought only Microsoft is allowed such flimflam.’
    ‘I am innocent My Lord. I was victimized,’ said Tanu di in a theatrical courtroom voice now. ‘I was led to believe that the suitor inquiry was for one of our many unmarried, wheatish-fair, working but family-oriented cousins Pinki, Chinki or Dinki.’
    I couldn’t stop myself from laughing out at her melodrama. ‘Anyhow, I think the situation is under control. Dad hasn’t bothered me …’
    ‘Chachu will … exactly after a week!’ she prophesied confidently.
    ‘You asked Professor Trelawney or what?’ I joked.
    ‘Better still, I sneaked on his Muggle phone. He has a reminder set for 15th of every month to check on the Suhaani–Deepak progress.’
    ‘I don’t understand. Why has Dad suddenly gone off-track, searching for a groom?’
    ‘Babes, but of course you realize that Chachu simply wants you back home. Once you finish your studies and start working in the States, chances of your coming back are poorer than me having sex with that new, cute trainee.’
    ‘Well, an underwired bra, stilettos and some Viagra can help increase your odds,’ I teased.
    ‘I will certainly work on your suggestion, ma’am, but you will need more than sex toys to fight your battle.’
    She then explained her comprehensive combat strategy, starting from Deepak’s debacle to my subsequent marriage with Jay. For now, I was supposed to just dilly dally on this marriage proposal. She would ensure the discovery of some gross flaw in Deepak, fabricating a pregnant girlfriend or a history of smoking pot if required. Basically, Deepak was go, went, gone as far as I was concerned. I will stay put in the US for another couple of years, unable to take time off for an India trip due to my new job. My parents could visit me instead and also get to see a new place. Over the next two years, I will gradually get my parents to doubt my sexual orientation and fuel their paranoia about my marriage. Occasional, accidental Facebook comments, a kiss here, a hug there, and a few random girlfriend