Annihilate Me Read Free Page B

Jennifer?”
    “Maybe
once or twice.   And I’ll
repeat—you look very handsome yourself, Mr. Wenn.”  
    “How
was work?”
    “Busier
than usual.   You?”
    We
sat on the sofa.  
    “Another
time.   What’s on your mind?   You’ve made me curious.”
    My
stomach started to turn, but there was no stopping this now.   I had to go through with it.   I took a sip of my martini, and put it
on the table in front of us.   “Alex,
I need to tell you something.”
    He
didn’t respond.   He just stared at
me, concern and maybe even a trace of fear on his face.   But why fear?   Did he think I was going to break this
off?
    “This
is going to sound ridiculous,” I said.   “I’m twenty-five, for God’s sake.”
    “Jennifer,
nothing you have to say to me is going to sound ridiculous.”
    “Are
you sure?   Because here’s one for
you.   I’ve never been with anyone
before.”
    His
brow furrowed as if he didn’t understand.  
    Just say it.
    “I’m
a virgin.”
    His
eyes widened.   “You’re a virgin?”
    I
nodded and felt a rush of shame.   There were reasons why I had never given myself to a man.   Reasons that made me feel insecure in
this relationship now.
    “Is
that why, you know, the other night...?”
    “That’s
right.”
    A
weight seemed to lift off him.   And
there was something else, something in his eyes.   A thrill?   He reached for my hand.   “You didn’t need to tell me that.”
    “Yes,
I did.   You needed to know.   I can’t expect you to wait for me
forever.   And I didn’t want to send
you mixed signals, or make you feel that I didn’t want to be with you, because
I do.   I want to be with you more
than anything.   I think about it all
the time.   But there’s something
bigger behind this.   It’s one of the
reasons I blew up at you at The Met fundraiser.   It’s the reason why I protect myself so
fiercely.   It’s something from my
past that sometimes creeps into the present.”
    “You
don’t have to talk about this.”
    “Yes,
I do.”
    “Not
if you feel unsafe.”
    “I
do feel safe.   I need to get this
out into the open and just be done with it.   When I tell you, you might be finished
with me.   You might think, ‘too much
baggage.’”
    “I
seriously doubt that.”  
    “OK.   Well, when I was a kid, my father beat
me.   He’d get drunk, and he’d take
out his anger on me and my mother, who never reported him to the authorities or
to child services.   I’m not going to
go through the laundry list of all that he did to us, but you need to
understand that sometimes those memories come flooding back.   I have trust issues with men because of
it.   I still have nightmares about
what he did to me, which is another reason I didn’t stay the other night.   I didn’t want to freak you out if I had
one.”
    He
studied me for a moment.   “I
reminded you of your father that night at the Four Seasons, didn’t I?   You saw something in me that frightened
you.   That’s why you stayed
away.   I made you think of your
father, didn’t I?”
    “To
a degree, yes.”
    “Jennifer,
I’m sorry.”
    “Alex,
this isn’t meant to be a guilt trip.   It’s just so you have a deeper understanding of who I am.   I’m twenty-five, and I have zero
experience with men beyond my father’s abuse.   I know you can sense me holding
back.   I needed you to know that
it’s not you.   It’s me.”
    “No,
it isn’t.”   He put his drink beside
mine and moved closer to me.   “It’s
him.   I’m not going to ask what he
did to you.   That will come in time,
or it won’t come at all.   It's your
choice.   The only question I have is
whether it was sexual.   Because if
it was, and if you need additional time to feel like you can trust me before
being intimate with me, that’s not an issue.   When and if it happens, it will just
make that moment better.”
    “None
of it was sexual.   He just abused me
verbally and physically.”