listening to the lyrics of the song. When it ended Leslie reached over and popped out the tape and then shoved it back into her jacket pocket.
Missy nodded her head. “It’s cool. Good song.” She glanced at Leslie all joking aside. “You don’t ever stop missing them, do you?” Leslie suddenly reached for a cigarette and lit it, pausing to take a long drag.
“No.”
“When you stopped talking for all of those years…was it because you couldn’t, or because you didn’t want to?” The two girls had known each other back then when she had been mute. Missy played with her even when Leslie just seemed to be sitting back and letting the world go by. They were long time friends, but they rarely talked about this.
Leslie took a while before she answered. Finally she spoke the truth. “I don’t know. I don’t think I even tried. I didn’t care enough to try.” They had never talked about what had brought on her muteness; not in all of these years…only what had stopped it; Uncle Monty. Uncle Monty was not going to stop what he was doing to her until she spoke; and so she did.
She came to a sudden decision, perhaps because the pill was working on her, or perhaps old memories had made her vulnerable. She looked out the window. “Sometimes I visit them. We sit around like a real family.” She paused, staring out the window, waiting for Missy to crack a joke and then she could change the subject and never bring it up again.
“You mean you visit them when you dream?”
“Yes!” Leslie turned in her seat and looked at Missy in excitement.
“Well it’s nice that you can dream about them.”
Leslie chewed her lip. “Yeah…but sometimes it’s like they never died and I’m a different person-”
“One without a bone piercing in your nose I hope.”
She took a deep breath. “I don’t have any piercings. It’s like a world where things are different because they never died.” She never thought that it was a real world. She knew it was a dream, or maybe a fantasy. Missy watched her with interest as they stopped at a red light.
“Do they look the same? Like you remember them?”
“I don’t really remember what they look like until in the dream.” It always gave her a jolt as she thought, that’s my Mama, that’s my Daddy . Waking up after was always bittersweet.
“Then it’s a good thing that you can at least see them in your dreams,” she said with a conviction that surprised Leslie. She had never thought to talk about these things with her friend and now wondered why.
“Do you ever dream about stuff that comes true?”
“Sometimes. It’s like, I’ll be doing something and then I’ll say, ‘damn, that already happened.’”
“Yeah, Déjà vu. But do you ever…see the same person in your dreams?”
“What do you mean?”
Leslie shrugged. “I don’t know.” She leaned her head back against the seat and closed her eyes. Then she just plunged forward. “There’s this guy that’s always in my dreams.”
“What guy? Is he cute?”
Leslie looked at her curiously. “You don’t dream like that? A dream with the same person who takes you places, shows you things?”
“It sounds like maybe he’s your Dad.” Missy pulled up along the curb near April’s apartment building and cut off the car but didn’t move to get out.
Leslie was shaking her head. “He’s always been there, even before my parents died. And he’s too young to be my Dad. Plus he’s white.”
Missy was blinking. “Is it Jesus?”
“Jesus? No! I mean, I used to think he was my guardian angel. But then he…”
“What?” She prompted. Leslie shrugged but was squeezing her hand into a fist until her short nails dug painfully into her palm.
“He showed me some bad shit, and didn’t try to help me.”
“Well Jesus showed people bad shit. And he makes you help yourself, doesn’t
Missy nodded her head. “It’s cool. Good song.” She glanced at Leslie all joking aside. “You don’t ever stop missing them, do you?” Leslie suddenly reached for a cigarette and lit it, pausing to take a long drag.
“No.”
“When you stopped talking for all of those years…was it because you couldn’t, or because you didn’t want to?” The two girls had known each other back then when she had been mute. Missy played with her even when Leslie just seemed to be sitting back and letting the world go by. They were long time friends, but they rarely talked about this.
Leslie took a while before she answered. Finally she spoke the truth. “I don’t know. I don’t think I even tried. I didn’t care enough to try.” They had never talked about what had brought on her muteness; not in all of these years…only what had stopped it; Uncle Monty. Uncle Monty was not going to stop what he was doing to her until she spoke; and so she did.
She came to a sudden decision, perhaps because the pill was working on her, or perhaps old memories had made her vulnerable. She looked out the window. “Sometimes I visit them. We sit around like a real family.” She paused, staring out the window, waiting for Missy to crack a joke and then she could change the subject and never bring it up again.
“You mean you visit them when you dream?”
“Yes!” Leslie turned in her seat and looked at Missy in excitement.
“Well it’s nice that you can dream about them.”
Leslie chewed her lip. “Yeah…but sometimes it’s like they never died and I’m a different person-”
“One without a bone piercing in your nose I hope.”
She took a deep breath. “I don’t have any piercings. It’s like a world where things are different because they never died.” She never thought that it was a real world. She knew it was a dream, or maybe a fantasy. Missy watched her with interest as they stopped at a red light.
“Do they look the same? Like you remember them?”
“I don’t really remember what they look like until in the dream.” It always gave her a jolt as she thought, that’s my Mama, that’s my Daddy . Waking up after was always bittersweet.
“Then it’s a good thing that you can at least see them in your dreams,” she said with a conviction that surprised Leslie. She had never thought to talk about these things with her friend and now wondered why.
“Do you ever dream about stuff that comes true?”
“Sometimes. It’s like, I’ll be doing something and then I’ll say, ‘damn, that already happened.’”
“Yeah, Déjà vu. But do you ever…see the same person in your dreams?”
“What do you mean?”
Leslie shrugged. “I don’t know.” She leaned her head back against the seat and closed her eyes. Then she just plunged forward. “There’s this guy that’s always in my dreams.”
“What guy? Is he cute?”
Leslie looked at her curiously. “You don’t dream like that? A dream with the same person who takes you places, shows you things?”
“It sounds like maybe he’s your Dad.” Missy pulled up along the curb near April’s apartment building and cut off the car but didn’t move to get out.
Leslie was shaking her head. “He’s always been there, even before my parents died. And he’s too young to be my Dad. Plus he’s white.”
Missy was blinking. “Is it Jesus?”
“Jesus? No! I mean, I used to think he was my guardian angel. But then he…”
“What?” She prompted. Leslie shrugged but was squeezing her hand into a fist until her short nails dug painfully into her palm.
“He showed me some bad shit, and didn’t try to help me.”
“Well Jesus showed people bad shit. And he makes you help yourself, doesn’t