And Other Stories Read Free Page B

understand, Pry-on. I'm not stupid." The alien leaned
close to Lucky. "So, where are your wings, fortunate
duck?"
    Lucky licked Splortch's
face.
    Miglick said, "I think that means
the duck would rather not fly just now, but it is grateful that we
discovered Miglick Planet."
    Splortch looked at Brian. "You may
lick my face, too, Pry-on."
    Brian said, "No way!"
    Miglick said, "The humming does not
think it is worthy to lick your face."
    Splortch said, "Ah, modest humming,
you are indeed worthy to lick my face."
    Brian shook his head. "Excuse me,
but I don't want to lick anybody's face."
    All of Splortch's eyes opened wide
to stare at Brian. "Does that mean you aren't grateful that we
discovered your planet?"
    "Well," said Brian, "I always knew
where it was."
    Miglick sighed. "These Miglickians
are so unreasonable. And to think I was sorry that they would all
have to die."
    "Have to what?" said
Brian.
    "Die," said Splortch. "You breathe
oxygen, right?"
    "Right," said Brian.
    "Okay, then," said
Miglick.
    "Okay, then, what?" said
Brian.
    "Okay, then, you'll all die when we
replace Earth's oxygen with methane," said Miglick. "Isn't that
obvious?"
    "Oh, dang," Brian said.
    Splortch said, "Veebilzanians
breathe methane. We took oxygen-breathing pills when we landed, but
they don't last very long. And they taste terrible."
    Brian said, "I don't want to seem
rude or anything, but why do you have to replace our oxygen with
methane?"
    Splortch looked at Brian, then
shrugged several tentacles and said, "What kind of rest stop would
Splortch Planet be if Veebilzanians had to breathe oxygen? Can you
imagine being cooped up in a space ship for hours and hours and
hours, and finally you come to a planet where you can get out and
walk around, and there's no methane to breathe?"
    Miglick looked at Splortch.
"Inconceivable."
    "But Earth isn't a rest stop," said
Brian.
    "Of course not," said Miglick.
"Until we replace the oxygen."
    "These Splortchians aren't very
smart," said Splortch.
    "No," said Miglick. "Well, let's
start the methane-making machine."
    "Wait!" shouted Brian. "You can't
just kill everything on Earth."
    "Sure we can." Splortch pointed at
a control panel on the side of the space ship. "We just press the
red button. That starts the methane-making machine. Presto, Earth's
a rest stop, and everyone's happy."
    "But what about humans and dogs and
everything that's already here?" asked Brian.
    Miglick nodded. "The humming's
right."
    Splortch nodded, too. "Well, they
won't be happy. They'll be dead." Splortch extended a tentacle
toward the red button.
    "Don't do that!" shouted Brian.
"It's wrong!"
    "It is?" Splortch drew its tentacle
back to scratch its head. "It's not the green button, because that
starts—"
    "No," said Brian. "It's wrong to
kill people."
    "Hey, we know that." Miglick
reached to press the red button.
    "Don't!" shouted Brian. "Humans are
people, too!"
    "You are?" All of Splortch's eyes
opened wide.
    Brian nodded.
    Splortch said, "Do you speak
Veebilzanian?"
    "Well, um, no," said
Brian.
    "Do you worship the great
Hoozilgobbler?" said Miglick.
    "Um, I don't think so," said
Brian.
    "You don't have tentacles," said
Splortch.
    "Well, no," Brian agreed. "But
we're still people."
    "Hmm," said Miglick. "Do you have
space ships that can travel between the stars?"
    "We have space shuttles that can go
around the Earth. And humans went to the moon once."
    "Only to your moon?" Miglick
laughed. "That's not a space ship. That's a space raft."
    "We're really people," said Brian.
"If you got to know us, you'd see."
    Splortch and Miglick glanced at
each other. Miglick said, "This planet would make such a nice rest
stop."
    "True," said Splortch. "But
hummings and ducks might be people."
    "Quite right," said Miglick. "We'll
have to find out."
    "Whew!" said Brian, thinking the
aliens would become someone else's problem now.
    "Rowf!" Lucky said. (What Lucky
meant was, "Does anyone want to go home and see if there's any
brown glop in my food