An Off Year Read Free Page A

bending and folding. I didn’t want to admit how much pleasure I had gotten out of perfectly filling those boxes and sealing them shut neatly with a big plastic tape dispenser. I had spent weeks packing, first the new stuff that I wouldn’t need until I got to Kenyon, then slowly the things from home that I wanted to take with me. It made me sad to watch my room get barer and barer as posters, pictures, and favorite books all went in the boxes.
    But it was going to be unpacked all at once.
    Unhappily I discovered that despite my precise folding, after the long day of loading and driving and unloading, my clothes were all shifted and wrinkled inside the boxes, which irritated me. I hung most things up and put the stuff that needed ironing in a separate pile on my desk. Putting things away was one of my favorite hobbies.
    Dad knocked on the door.
    â€œCecily?”
    â€œYes?” Here it was. Here was where I was going to have to explain what the hell was going on. I had better come up with something good, unless I could continue to avoid the whole conversation.
    He came in and closed the door behind him. He took off his black-rimmed glasses and wiped them on a corner of his shirt.
    â€œYou’re unpacking?”
    â€œYes.”
    â€œSo . . . I suppose that means you’re not thinking we’d try this again tomorrow.”
    â€œNo, Dad. I just can’t do this now.”
    â€œAnd you’re completely sure? Because I’m willing to try this again tomorrow, no complaining, no questions asked. Or we can see if there’s someone you can talk to at Kenyon, or anywhere else for that matter, if you’re having doubts.”
    I shook my head. “No.”
    â€œIs everything okay, Cecily? This is just . . . very surprising.”
    I knew what he meant. I wasn’t a dramatic gesture kind of girl. I just wished I could explain what had happened, or say that I knew what would happen next. I still really couldn’t believe that I had done it. “Yeah, Dad. I need to figure some stuff out, I guess. I don’t know what yet.”
    He glanced around my room, and his eyes landed on a little wooden toy chest I kept in the corner to house a few old stuffed bears and rabbits from childhood that I never took out anymore but couldn’t bring myself to get rid of. “I suppose . . . I guess . . . I don’t see how it could hurt to have you stick around here for a bit longer. If you’re really not ready yet.”
    â€œYes. That’s what I want. Lucky you, right?”
    â€œYeah, right. Although . . .” He hesitated. “I won’t lie. It won’t be bad having you here at home for a little while longer.”
    â€œEspecially since Josh is leaving and Germaine sucks so bad. I’m the only fun one.”
    He smiled, but he rubbed the corners of his eyes with his index fingers. He was trying to be nice but was exhausted.
    â€œI’m sorry I made you drive all that way for nothing.”
    â€œThere’s more to it than that,” he said. “We have to talk to the people at Kenyon. We have tuition money to deal with. We need to figure out what exactly is coming next.”
    Suddenly that gut-sick feeling that had been absent all day came to me: I wasn’t sure if it was the realization of what I had done, or what I had almost done. My life would already be completely different if I were back in Ohio. But I couldn’t deal with that at that moment. I needed to act like I knew what I was doing.
    â€œOf course,” I said, “but not tonight. Is that okay?”
    He nodded, sighed, turned around, and closed the door behind him, leaving me with the boxes I still had to empty and fold up.
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    When I woke up the next morning, everything felt the same as before I left. I could hear lifeguard whistles coming from the beach. My comforter smelled like clean. Superhero stuck his nose in my face. Only it was all totally different. It was