An Accidental Man Read Free Page B

this?’
    â€˜I expected it now.’
    â€˜I didn’t.’
    â€˜So are you now dismayed?’
    â€˜No! I’ve loved you for ages. But you’re so sort of grand. Everyone’s after you.’
    â€˜I’m not grand. And that’s a very vulgar way of putting it.’
    â€˜Sorry —’
    â€˜I’m small and ignorant, whereas you know everything.’
    â€˜As if that — ! I thought I was one of hundreds.’
    â€˜Well, you’re one of one.’
    â€˜You’ve been so calm!’
    â€˜A girl has her pride. Shall we now go hand in hand and tell my parents?’
    â€˜No, please — I say, will they mind?’
    â€˜They’ll be delighted.’
    â€˜I somehow thought they wanted you to marry that guy Sebastian.’
    â€˜They want what I want.’
    â€˜They won’t mind my being American?’
    â€˜Why should they? Especially as you aren’t going back to America any more.’
    â€˜You said once they wanted you to marry an Englishman.’
    â€˜Only because anyone else might take me away. But you won’t. We’ll be living in Oxford.’
    â€˜I don’t know about Oxford. Oh Jesus, Gracie, I can’t believe it, I’m so happy — Darling, please —’
    Gracie’s divan bed, on which they were sitting was very narrow and fitted in beneath a long white shelf. Small fat cushions, which Ludwig hated, and which Gracie referred to as her ‘pussy cats’, further reduced the sitting or lying area. Ludwig banged his head on the shelf. One hand burrowed under Gracie’s warm thigh. His head sank and he felt the roughness of his cheek against the smoothness of her taut dress. Crushed close together, two hearts battered in their cages. No screen of calm now. Ludwig groaned. He had never made love to her. The thing was anguish.
    â€˜Mind the table!’
    He began to fall off, twisting a rubbery leg to avoid a crash, and subsided embracing the coffee pot while Gracie above him stifled laughter. ‘Ssh, Ludwig!’
    The Tisbourne’s house in Kensington, pretentiously called Pitt’s Lodge, was a narrow poky little gentleman’s residence cluttered with elegant knick-knacks masquerading as furniture. Ludwig had already broken two chairs. Behind the papery walls of the small rooms Gracie’s parents were omnipresent. Now just outside the door Clara Tisbourne was calling down to her husband, ‘Pinkie darling, the Odmores want us for the second weekend.’ It was an impossible situation even if Gracie had been willing. He could not take Gracie to his own apartment because Gracie disliked Mitzi Ricardo. Mitzi also disliked Gracie and referred to her as ‘little Madam’ until she realized that Ludwig loved her. Perhaps it would have to be the British Museum again.
    â€˜Whatever shall we do?’ he said to Gracie.
    â€˜About what?’
    They had never discussed sex. He had no idea whether Gracie was a virgin. Must he now tell her about his campus amours? Oh Christ.
    â€˜Here. Yes, I know. Dear Ludwig, just sit quietly and hold my hand.’
    He looked into the mysterious guileless eyes of the girl to whom he had committed himself, his life, his future, his thoughts, his feelings, his whole spiritual being. She was so fantastically young. He felt centuries older than this opening flower. He felt coarse, gross, ancient, dirty. At the same moment it occurred to him that she was almost totally a stranger. He loved, he was engaged to be married to, a complete stranger.
    â€˜Gracie, you are so pure, so true.’
    â€˜That’s your silly talk.’
    â€˜You’re so young!’
    â€˜I’m nineteen. You’re only twenty-two.’
    â€˜When shall we get married? How quickly can one get married in England?’
    â€˜We’ve only just got engaged. Please , Ludwig. You know the way mama bounces in.’
    â€˜What’s the use of being engaged?