Am I Normal Yet? Read Free Page A

been for the past three years?
    Yes. Maybe. No, hell, yes.
    The train was coming. Ethan was coming. For once, finally, I was living my life as it should be. For once I was going to catch a break.
    The train doors opened… Ethan appeared amongst a crowd of passengers getting off…and tripped over his feet, landing flat on his face. An empty two-litre bottle of cider rolled out of his hand.
    â€œBollocks,” he yelled. He tried to stand but fell again, rolling onto his side and laughing.
    This wasn’t supposed to happen.
    I took a tentative step towards him. Passengers sidestepped us, giving us both dirty looks.
    â€œEthan?” I asked.
    â€œWOAH, EVIE, I NEED YOU TO GIVE ME A HAND HERE.”
    He reached out for my arm, and I took his body weight – staggering under it as he righted himself. He absolutely stank. Of cider. And maybe a bit of sick.
    â€œEthan…are you pissed?”
    He fell back a couple of steps, stopped his fall and broke into a proud-of-himself boy grin.
    â€œDon’t worry, love. I’ve got plenty left for you.” He reached into his backpack and retrieved another two-litre bottle. Only half of it was left.
    I realized Sarah might’ve been right.

Three
    It was only a short walk to the party but, with an intoxicated Ethan, it took much longer.
    â€œOut of the road,” I said, steering him away from oncoming traffic. He took my hand-holding to mean something else entirely and squeezed mine tight. His felt warm and clammy.
    I tried not to think of the germs. I failed.
    He stumbled over his feet. “Whoops, wow, you have good reflexes.”
    His body weight shifted and swayed under my arm; I was practically dragging him to the party. He kept stopping to glug back more cider. Half of it went down his Smashing Pumpkins T-shirt, and some dribbled down the sides of his mouth. Could I run away? Was that fair? Or had I just met my match in weirdness? Was this the sort of behaviour the Love Gods had seen fit to pair me with? I couldn’t leave him: I’d definitely been stranger than this in the past.
    Ethan chucked the second empty cider bottle over a fence, right into the middle of someone’s front garden.
    â€œGo and get it.”
    â€œOkay.” He didn’t even argue.
    We turned down Anna’s road.
    â€œAlmost there…” I said, like I was taking my child to Disneyland.
    Ethan ran ahead, then turned round so he was walking backwards, facing me. “Hey, guess what?” His smile was so wide I couldn’t help but smile a bit too. Those treacherous dimples.
    â€œWhat?”
    He looked at his hand, then stretched his mouth into a horror scream and pretended to strangle himself, like in sociology. “LOOK, IT’S THE ALIEN HAND, IT’S OUT OF CONTROL.”
    Despite myself, I giggled.
    â€œWHAT’S IT GOING TO DO NEXT?” He slapped his face. “Oh no, it wants to jump bodies.” And he reached over and grabbed my boob. I looked down at my chest in horror.
    â€œHONK HONK.” Ethan beamed at me. I slapped his hand away.
    â€œDid you just grab my boob?”
    Too pissed to pick up on the scary in my voice, Ethan smiled wider.
    â€œIt wasn’t me. IT WAS THE ALIEN HAND.”
    How? How was this happening to me?
    I pushed past him and stormed through Anna’s front door into the party. Ethan lurched behind yelling, “WAIT, THE ALIEN HAND IS SORRY.”
    Rock music blasted my eardrums the moment I got inside. I stopped at a people blockage in the hallway. There were groups of college friends everywhere, spilling up the stairs like bubbles in an exploded bottle of champagne. The bass made my heart beat faster. I looked around for anyone I knew. Ethan caught up with me.
    â€œHey, you ran off.” He looked all lost and cute. I melted a bit and let him take my hand again.
    â€œNo more alien hand, okay?” A sentence I never thought I’d say.
    â€œOkay.”
    We pushed