Always Watching Read Free Page B

your fault, Heather—and I’m not mad at you.” In a voice so loving and sad it made my heart hurt, he added, “You’re the most important thing in the world to me.”
    “They said we should stay. They said it was better for our baby—and maybe they were right. I made you leave, and now the baby’s dead.”
    “Heather, stop.” Daniel was rubbing her back. “Don’t say things like that.” He put his face close to hers. “Hey, look at me.” But Heather was just staring at the wall now, her expression blank.
    I didn’t want to push things too much, especially with Heather starting to dissociate from the conversation, but I was concerned about why she was blaming herself so much for the loss of her baby.
    “Why did you want to leave the center, Heather?”
    She began to rock, her arms wrapped around her body.
    “They said that all adults are the child’s parents. So everyone helps raise them, and they don’t even stay with you.”
    The horror in her face made it clear that this hadn’t sat well with her.
    “At the center, they believe it’s better for the baby’s spiritual growth to be loved by many hearts,” Daniel said. “They have highly trained caregivers.”
    This center sounded highly controlling. I turned to Heather.
    “But you didn’t want to share your child?”
    She nodded and glanced at Daniel, who stared down at Heather’s bandages again. She looked like she wanted to explain herself more, but then she reached out and held Daniel’s hand. He gave it a small squeeze.
    “I think I was wrong, though,” she said. “We should’ve stayed. Then I wouldn’t have miscarried.”
    I said, “How can you know that you wouldn’t have miscarried even if you had stayed? Did they actually tell you that you were responsible?”
    “They didn’t say it was our fault,” Daniel said. “They were just worried that Heather had gotten herself too stressed out by moving.”
    In other words, they had implied that it was her fault.
    “What is this center called?” I said.
    Daniel sat straighter, his shoulders proud.
    “The River of Life Spiritual Center.”
    Something tickled at the back of my mind, followed by an uncomfortable feeling of dread settling in my stomach.
    “Who runs it?”
    “Aaron Quinn. He’s the director of all the programs at the center.”
    Aaron Quinn. He said Aaron Quinn.
    It couldn’t be the same man.
    Heather’s voice was a whisper. “Most of the members call it the commune.”
    The commune. I hadn’t heard that name in years. I hadn’t wanted to hear it ever again. I stared at Heather, trying to think, my heart thudding in my ears.
    “Dr. Lavoie?” Heather’s blue eyes were full of sorrow and pain. “Do you think it’s my fault the baby died?”
    It took a second for me to refocus my thoughts. You have a patient, and she needs your help.
    “No, I don’t think it’s your fault. You made a decision you thought was best for your child—you were just being good parents.” I talked on for a minute or two, heard the comforting words coming out of my mouth. But all the while my head was filled with a dull roar, the sound of fate and life colliding. Because what I couldn’t tell them was that I knew Aaron Quinn.
    I knew exactly who he was.

 
    CHAPTER TWO
    When I was twenty-five, I’d decided to go back to school and was attending the University of Victoria for a degree in science. I’d learned ways to deal with tight hallways and stairwells, mostly by avoiding them, but during final exams, all the outside lots were full and I’d been forced to park underground. I’d been overwhelmed by panic in the dark space and hadn’t been able to step into the elevator. I had to walk the long way around, while hyperventilating in big gasps of air, my hair soaked with sweat, earning me stares from every student I passed. I’d missed the beginning of my exam and the door was closed, so I failed the course. It had been a humiliating experience, and I began therapy soon