All That Was Happy Read Free Page A

a
staging area which also housed the oven and the microwave. We were
going for clean lines and a lot of wicker.”
    “ You still can,” Leah said, setting out
the crumb cake and a couple of plates.
    “ How do I do that?” Beckie said. “How
do I just keep on going with my so-called life? How do I learn to
think for myself after twenty-nine years of thinking the way Bernie
wanted me to? It’s just inconceivable that there’s going to be a
life after this divorce. I’m going to die alone in this
house--alone and friendless.”
    “ I’m calling the pharmacy,” Leah said.
“They’ll deliver your medicine and you’ll feel better.”
    “ I don’t want to feel anything,” Beckie
said. “Not now. Not ever again.”
    “ Eat your crumb cake,” Leah said. “You
need some sugar in your blood.”
    “ You’re right,” Beckie said. “And I
shouldn’t even be thinking about the future. I need to keep my mind
on where things are right now. If I could simply do that, then I
wouldn’t feel such a sense of overwhelming evil. But you know what
really hurts, right now? It’s knowing that when it’s time to go to
bed tonight, for the first time in twenty-nine years, I’ll be
getting in that bed by myself--and it’ll be that way for the rest
of my life.”
    “ The prescription will be delivered in
about an hour,” Leah said, hanging up the phone. “And you should
try to eat something.”
    “ The problem is,” Beckie said,
“nowadays we all live too long. If we died when we were supposed
to, Bernie wouldn’t have divorced me--he would have died by now.
Instead, he did die--he died to me--he ended his life with me, but
instead of going to his grave, where I could at least grieve over
him, and respect him, he’s divorced me and is starting another
life--he’s going to have a child! The child I could never give
him!”
    Beckie’s tears, no longer held in check by
the earlier shockwave of the serving of the papers, began to
copiously flow.
    “ It’s going to be okay,” Leah said.
“What’s done is done--you can’t turn back the clock and do it
over--but the future still belongs to you.”
    “ We had a pleasant home,” Beckie said.
“It just doesn’t seem fair. Yesterday, I was a wife, with a place
in this community. Today, I’m a pariah. All our friends are going
to treat me like a second class citizen. I’m so ashamed. I’m so
alone.”
    Leah held her until the tears ran their
course, tears which, like lava from a volcano, burned their
traceways across the landscape of her soul, and of which there were
plenty more where they came from.
     
    Chapter
3
     
    “ Even allowing that you’ve been in the
face of great frustration,” Leah said, “what you’re doing doesn’t
make a lot of sense.”
    “ Why should anything I do from here on
out make sense?” Beckie said. “All I’ve done my whole life is make
sense, and what’s it got me? It’s got me replaced by a younger
female of child-bearing age, that’s what.”
    Beckie, glaring venomously at the world
through the windshield of the Mercedes Roadster, was bidding
good-bye to Leah for the moment, and preparing to depart for places
unknown. She’d changed from her pantsuit into a scoop-neck, pale
pink camisole and jeans, setoff by a pair of white platform
wedgies. The cool of a spring evening was setting in; the
convertible top whined into place.
    “ I just think it would be better if you
waited until tomorrow,” Leah said. “Especially since you’re new to
the medication you just took. It says right on the label that
drowsiness can occur. C’mon back in, Beckie. You can wait a few
more hours.”
    “ Wait for what? For more punishment?
I’ve already been found guilty on all counts of being a bad wife.
Maybe I’ll feel differently later, but for right now, the thought
of sleeping in that bed tonight is just too much for me. I can’t
even face the thought of lying there alone in the darkness. I need
some time alone to think. I’m going