Across the Pond Read Free Page B

Thee.” There will no doubt soon be headlines in The Washington Post reading: “I Was Like ‘Oh My God!’ Says President of Harvard.” The pathologically compulsive use of the word “like” has much to do with a postmodern aversion to dogmatism. “It’s nine o’clock” sounds unpleasantly autocratic, whereas “It’s like nine o’clock” sounds suitably tentative and non-doctrinaire. “Totally” is another potentially contagious Americanism, as in “Is my husband dead, doctor?” “Totally.”
    Even though some of the words I have listed have infiltrated the speech of other English-speaking nations, most of them are still a lot more common in the USA than in the UK, and some of them are scarcely to be heard outside the States at all. If the word “awesome” were banned from American speech, airplanes would fall from the skies, cars would lurch wildly off freeways, elevators would shudder to a halt between floors, and goldfish would commit suicide by leaping despairingly from their bowls. Yet other speakers of English use it very little, if at all. The British do not commonly say “meet with,” “reach out to,” “stay focused,” or “your respected college” (which sounds slightly unctuous to non-American ears). They do not zero in, craft a proposal, desire golden hamsters to be empowered, have a hard time understanding something, ask to be given a break, or tackle a situation aggressively, unless by the latter they mean taking a machine gun to it. Using the word “aggressive” to mean admirably robust, a speech habit which does not reflect particularly well on American culture, sounds almost as odd to the British as complimenting someone on being as ugly as sin. The American use of the word “scary” instead of “frightening” or “alarming” sounds childish to British ears, as though one were to talk about one’s bottie rather than one’s buttocks. To call someone “driven” is a compliment in the States but a criticism in Britain.
    “Empower” is a peculiarly American word, and despite being much overused has its virtues. Without really intending to, it challenges the familiar liberal misconception that power is a bad thing. On the contrary, power is an excellent thing, as long as it is exercised by the right people for the right reasons. Only those who have enough of the stuff already can afford to be so disparaging about it. Power is not always oppressive, as some leftists seem to imagine, any more than authority is always to be resisted. There are beneficial forms of power as well as malign ones. There is the authority of those who are seasoned in the fight for justice, as well as the authority that ejects you from a restaurant for not wearing a tie.
    Most speakers of British English do not say “a bunch of air,” speak of money as the bottom line, or seek closure. “At this time” is not used to mean right now. Things are ascertained, not determined. The British say “It must be,” whereas Americans tend to say “It has to be.” You can feel comfortable with something in Britain, but nothing like as often as in America. You would not generally say “We feel comfortable using this taxi company,” any more than you would ask someone whether they felt comfortable with the idea of being scourged till the blood ran down their thighs. Your actions may influence a situation, but they cannot impact it, just as you can protest against a ruling but not protest it. To do something momentarily in Britain is to do it for a few moments only, not to do it very soon. This is why it sounds curious to British ears to speak of momentarily cutting your head off, or momentarily ploughing your way through War and Peace .
    Americans say “Excuse me” when they accidentally get in your way, whereas the British say “Sorry.” They reserve “Excuse me” for either trying to squeeze past someone, or buttonholing a stranger on the street. One knows one is back in the United Kingdom when