eyelids.
“Damn you Janie. Damn you for having happiness and throwing it away while I never even got the chance. Damn you for making all of us love you so much. Damn you for working too hard and damn you for dying and leaving all of us to try to go on without you.”
Janice rolled over and buried her face in her pillow. Cancer hadn’t cared how much they had all needed Janie, it took her anyway.
“It should have been me. No one would have missed me. You could have had a life with Ace now and been happy.”
Life was so unfair. It never let anyone find what they wanted until it was too late to claim it. Life never allowed you to sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labors. All it did was force you to work harder while life passed you by and made you an old woman.
Janice had carried a torch for Tank for twenty years, hoping that someday he would come back for her but no, he had found someone else and made a life and then been killed. Janice couldn’t believe that she hadn’t known he was dead. She had looked for him every day, every time she heard the sound of a motorcycle she had hoped. She had wasted her life waiting on a man that didn’t even want her and now she had nothing to show for it.
She thought of all the opportunities she’d had as a young woman. She could have gone to school, married, had a dozen babies, but she had done nothing but wait. Thinking back now she knew she had been a fool. Tank hadn’t made her promises the way Ace had made them to Janie. Janice wondered if she had just wanted something to share with Janie, something to bring them closer. That really was the beginning of their friendship. They had known each other but they hadn’t started hanging out until the Defenders rode into town.
Janice tried to sleep, but her mind swirled with memories and regrets. She had nothing to show for her life other than the diner and Marty, but Marty wasn’t even her child.
Now she wondered what she would do without Marty and the dream of Tank. It seemed like everything had disappeared in one day and she was at a loss as to how to continue. Maybe she needed a change.
3
Ace was nervous. He hated the feeling. He would rather be shot than feel those damned butterflies swarming in his stomach. He had called Preach, but hadn’t told him the details, just that he had a surprise and he would need to see Preach when he arrived with it. Something valuable.
Preach had sounded curious and Ace knew the man suspected something. They had been friends too long and Preach could read Ace like a book even when he tried to hide things. Ace knew that Preach would welcome Marty and the brothers would accept her, but how would Ace live with having a daughter? He didn’t even have his own place. How would he handle the brothers watching her and lusting after her? Would he go ape shit the way Preach always did or would he let her make her choices? She leaned heavily against his back and he felt his protective instincts rear up. He knew he would fight for her the way he had all the other club kids, but she would be different.
He took a deep breath as he drove the last few miles to the compound. He had watched Preach worry over his daughters and it had aged the man more than dealing with the Devils. Living a life with the Defenders wasn’t safe, but it was all he knew. What if something happened to Marty because of him he felt his heart shutter. It was the reason he and Janie had called it quits. He admitted, deep down, that it was the reason he had gone back now. He had hoped she would welcome him back, give him a chance at a normal life for a while. He loved the Defenders but he was getting too old for this life and he knew he was running out of time to be with Janie. He had hoped to find a sort of retirement and a quiet death with the only woman he had ever loved, but instead he found a
“Damn you Janie. Damn you for having happiness and throwing it away while I never even got the chance. Damn you for making all of us love you so much. Damn you for working too hard and damn you for dying and leaving all of us to try to go on without you.”
Janice rolled over and buried her face in her pillow. Cancer hadn’t cared how much they had all needed Janie, it took her anyway.
“It should have been me. No one would have missed me. You could have had a life with Ace now and been happy.”
Life was so unfair. It never let anyone find what they wanted until it was too late to claim it. Life never allowed you to sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labors. All it did was force you to work harder while life passed you by and made you an old woman.
Janice had carried a torch for Tank for twenty years, hoping that someday he would come back for her but no, he had found someone else and made a life and then been killed. Janice couldn’t believe that she hadn’t known he was dead. She had looked for him every day, every time she heard the sound of a motorcycle she had hoped. She had wasted her life waiting on a man that didn’t even want her and now she had nothing to show for it.
She thought of all the opportunities she’d had as a young woman. She could have gone to school, married, had a dozen babies, but she had done nothing but wait. Thinking back now she knew she had been a fool. Tank hadn’t made her promises the way Ace had made them to Janie. Janice wondered if she had just wanted something to share with Janie, something to bring them closer. That really was the beginning of their friendship. They had known each other but they hadn’t started hanging out until the Defenders rode into town.
Janice tried to sleep, but her mind swirled with memories and regrets. She had nothing to show for her life other than the diner and Marty, but Marty wasn’t even her child.
Now she wondered what she would do without Marty and the dream of Tank. It seemed like everything had disappeared in one day and she was at a loss as to how to continue. Maybe she needed a change.
3
Ace was nervous. He hated the feeling. He would rather be shot than feel those damned butterflies swarming in his stomach. He had called Preach, but hadn’t told him the details, just that he had a surprise and he would need to see Preach when he arrived with it. Something valuable.
Preach had sounded curious and Ace knew the man suspected something. They had been friends too long and Preach could read Ace like a book even when he tried to hide things. Ace knew that Preach would welcome Marty and the brothers would accept her, but how would Ace live with having a daughter? He didn’t even have his own place. How would he handle the brothers watching her and lusting after her? Would he go ape shit the way Preach always did or would he let her make her choices? She leaned heavily against his back and he felt his protective instincts rear up. He knew he would fight for her the way he had all the other club kids, but she would be different.
He took a deep breath as he drove the last few miles to the compound. He had watched Preach worry over his daughters and it had aged the man more than dealing with the Devils. Living a life with the Defenders wasn’t safe, but it was all he knew. What if something happened to Marty because of him he felt his heart shutter. It was the reason he and Janie had called it quits. He admitted, deep down, that it was the reason he had gone back now. He had hoped she would welcome him back, give him a chance at a normal life for a while. He loved the Defenders but he was getting too old for this life and he knew he was running out of time to be with Janie. He had hoped to find a sort of retirement and a quiet death with the only woman he had ever loved, but instead he found a
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